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Celibacy Must Lead to Love (1st Day of Recollection for the Semester)
From Friday evening until noon on Saturday, we had the first day of recollection of the year. These are basically mini-retreats that we have a few times each semester during which we don't use electronics, we spend extra time in prayer together, and we listen to several talks, usually on a specific topic, by a speaker that comes in for the weekend. This last one was given by Br. John Mark Falkenhain O.S.B., a monk from St. Meinrad, who (along with other things) is in charge of vocations at St. Meinrad. He gave us a formation conference (which are shorter, single, talks that we usually have on Wednesdays) last year on celibacy, and everyone found it beneficial, so he was invited back to give us a day of recollection focused on that topic. It's a tricky topic to talk about (which is why I haven't talked about it much), but it's a rather important part of seminary, so I wanted to share it with all of you. I took plenty of notes, but boiling things down, here's what we learned:
In his first talk, Br. John Mark gave us an overview of what celibacy is all about, and how, through the seminary process, we have to learn about it, and if our vocation is in fact to become priests, we have to grow into celibacy. He started by bluntly pointing out that, for the moment, we (all us seminarians) had chosen to be celibate. We had put ourselves in that "box", so to speak, in order to learn about it and discern if that was something that we were called to (and able to) commit to for the rest of our lives. The program for priestly formation (from the USCCB) says that human formation (one of the four pillars that seminarians are formed in) entails self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-gift (in that order). Basically, we can't possibly give ourselves to Christ, the Church, or the people until we know ourselves (more on this later). Thus, looking at the area of celibacy, he laid out five areas in which, though the seminary process, we needed to know ourselves in.
- motives for celibacy (why a person decides to be celibate)
- theology for celibacy (what gives meaning to your celibacy)
- sexual identity
- strengths/skills
- weaknesses/limitations
The first area, motives for celibacy, he examined in the rest of his first talk. He said that for most people they have multiple reasons for being celibate - some of which are good and some not so much. Very basically, he said that seminarians needed to find what was motivating them to choose celibacy, and determine if these were healthy motives that would be able to sustain a life of celibacy. He was rather blunt: celibacy isn't easy. Sometimes the priest is lonely, sometimes celibacy doesn't seem worth it, and you have to have good reasons to be celibate or else 10 years down the road how are you going to stick with that aspect of the priestly vocation?
Of course, just saying that you have to have good reasons isn't enough, and so, in his second talk on Saturday morning, Br. John Mark outlined the best reasons for celibacy, namely theological ones (his second main aspect of knowing oneself). He gave 4 different theological reasons for celibacy (each one looking at a slight different aspect of it). The first one was that the priest is celibate because Christ was, he does it in order to become more like Christ, to truly act in Persona Christi. The second reason, is that the priest is celibate "for the sake of the kingdom", in other words, he doesn't get married so he can fully give himself to the flock. The third theological explanation/reason for celibacy is that the priest gives up marriage to a person so that he can be married (in a sense) to the Church and in this way giving himself totally to Christ. Finally, the fourth reason that Br. John Mark gave for celibacy was that it is a kind of self-denial, a giving up of something good in this life so as to place all your hopes in the life to come.
Continuing his talk, the next point that Br. John Mark made was the need for us to meditate on these reasons, a process he called theological reflection. We can't just know good reasons for being celibate, they have to be the reasons that we are celibate. When times get tough, when you're sitting in the rectory on Sunday afternoon with nothing to do and nobody to talk to, how is your being celibate going to still have meaning? In the end, he said, if celibacy doesn't make you more loving - both to your congregation (and everybody else) and God - then celibacy is not what you are called to. Celibacy has to lead to the same ends as marriage - union and procreation - both, of course, of a spiritual nature. The challenges of celibacy, the times when it entails true sacrifice, these are the times that it can be the most fruitful, but they are also the times when it will seem most fruitless. The cross of Christ is hard, but it brings life and love if you stick with it.
On the final day, Br. John Mark talked about the third point - sexual identity. Obviously this is an even trickier topic than celibacy, so I will again stick with what he said (saving my thoughts and what-not until the end). He started by repeating that we have to have self-knowledge and self-acceptance in order to move onto being self-gift. He had talked about the last point for the first two talks - how being celibate must lead to the priest giving himself to God and the people - but now he wrapped back around to the first two points. He started, as I said, from the topic of sexual identity. This identity, as he related is shaped by many different factors (biological, experiential, historical, cultural, personal, etc.), which I won't get into because it would be an awkward topic to talk about, and one which I will save for another time, but his more important point was connecting the dots between self-knowledge and self-gift. Self-knowledge is important because without it we will almost undoubtedly enter into the whole celibacy thing unprepared. If we don't know ourselves, we won't be able to resist the temptations that will beset us. Without self-knowledge, the different factors of our sexual identity will not form a cohesive whole and, again, it could lead to failure.
However, this wasn't his biggest point, rather, he emphasized the importance of humility. Humility, he said, at its foundation is self-knowledge. Knowing where you are weak and where you are strong, where you struggle and where you're talented, where you sin (and need forgiveness) and where you are virtuous. He said we have to know these, in all areas of life, so that we can find the healthy and true balance between perfectionism (ignoring your good qualities and despairing because you aren't perfect) and narcissism (ignoring your bad qualities and considering yourself perfect). All of us are sinners, we are in need of God's mercy, and are works in progress, but at the very same time, we aren't useless, God loves us despite our sins. This process of self-knowledge must lead, he said must lead to self-acceptance and action. We can't just know things about ourselves and then do nothing about it. This life is about finding, accepting, and fixing our problems.
Humility, defined by Br. John Mark as a self-knowledge and self-acceptance, must then be extroverted. This virtue, of accepting others, even when we see their sins, shortcomings, and failures, is hospitality. The priest, like Christ, must give himself to sinners. He isn't pastor over a bunch of perfect people! But, if he is humble and sees where he himself is weak, or where he fails before others and God, he can then apply that acceptance to everyone. This, of course, doesn't mean that the priest doesn't work towards the perfecting of his flock. Like his own journey/struggle towards God - hating his own sins but seeing the good that is in him at the same time (true humility) - the priest must hate sin in others, but love the sinner (true hospitality).
Alright, this was a long and complicated post, so here's the recap: Celibacy, in the priest, must lead to greater love of God and others. The only way this is going to happen is if the priest has an intense knowledge of himself. He has to know the reasons for being celibate, especially the theological and pastoral ones, so that his celibacy remains fruitful even when it is difficult and he must also know his own background, strengths, and weaknesses so that he can foresee the difficulties that he will have to overcome while utilizing the areas in which he is strong for his own good (and the good of his flock). In the end though, this better self-understanding must cause the priest to love others more. Br. John Mark, as a trained psychologist, made the important connection between ourselves and God. Celibacy certainly has theological reasons, but it also has very human and personal aspects. It's not easy, not everybody is called to it, and seminary is very much about discerning both if God is calling you to it and if you are capable of living that life in such a way that it will lead to love.
I'm afraid that I haven't quite captured the gist of these talks. I recreated the talks from my notes, but this post just doesn't seem to have the energy, enthusiasm, and meaning that he had. As I said, it's a tough topic, and one that I haven't thought about nearly enough. I still haven't internalized all those reasons (or learned about all of them), I certainly don't have as good of a knowledge of self that I should, and I am nowhere near the radical love that Jesus shows us on the cross. Ah well, challenges are good!
After re-reading this post, I think it came across as a bit negative. Unfortunately, I don't have a perfect understanding of celibacy, and it is very easy to see it as just a sacrifice. This, of course, is where I must grow in faith, trusting that Jesus called his apostles to celibacy and that if, God willing, I am ordained, my being celibate will bring me closer to him and help me love others more.
The statistics that I get about my blog don't tell me people's vocations, so I don't know how many of my readers are called to celibacy. Either way though, hopefully this post has given you a glimpse at some of the reasons behind priests being celibate and the part that seminary plays in that process. Certainly, others could go into more detail, speak about it more eloquently, but hopefully, this has been interesting, insightful, enlightening, or at least shows something of the formation side of seminary...
Humility, defined by Br. John Mark as a self-knowledge and self-acceptance, must then be extroverted. This virtue, of accepting others, even when we see their sins, shortcomings, and failures, is hospitality. The priest, like Christ, must give himself to sinners. He isn't pastor over a bunch of perfect people! But, if he is humble and sees where he himself is weak, or where he fails before others and God, he can then apply that acceptance to everyone. This, of course, doesn't mean that the priest doesn't work towards the perfecting of his flock. Like his own journey/struggle towards God - hating his own sins but seeing the good that is in him at the same time (true humility) - the priest must hate sin in others, but love the sinner (true hospitality).
Alright, this was a long and complicated post, so here's the recap: Celibacy, in the priest, must lead to greater love of God and others. The only way this is going to happen is if the priest has an intense knowledge of himself. He has to know the reasons for being celibate, especially the theological and pastoral ones, so that his celibacy remains fruitful even when it is difficult and he must also know his own background, strengths, and weaknesses so that he can foresee the difficulties that he will have to overcome while utilizing the areas in which he is strong for his own good (and the good of his flock). In the end though, this better self-understanding must cause the priest to love others more. Br. John Mark, as a trained psychologist, made the important connection between ourselves and God. Celibacy certainly has theological reasons, but it also has very human and personal aspects. It's not easy, not everybody is called to it, and seminary is very much about discerning both if God is calling you to it and if you are capable of living that life in such a way that it will lead to love.
I'm afraid that I haven't quite captured the gist of these talks. I recreated the talks from my notes, but this post just doesn't seem to have the energy, enthusiasm, and meaning that he had. As I said, it's a tough topic, and one that I haven't thought about nearly enough. I still haven't internalized all those reasons (or learned about all of them), I certainly don't have as good of a knowledge of self that I should, and I am nowhere near the radical love that Jesus shows us on the cross. Ah well, challenges are good!
After re-reading this post, I think it came across as a bit negative. Unfortunately, I don't have a perfect understanding of celibacy, and it is very easy to see it as just a sacrifice. This, of course, is where I must grow in faith, trusting that Jesus called his apostles to celibacy and that if, God willing, I am ordained, my being celibate will bring me closer to him and help me love others more.
The statistics that I get about my blog don't tell me people's vocations, so I don't know how many of my readers are called to celibacy. Either way though, hopefully this post has given you a glimpse at some of the reasons behind priests being celibate and the part that seminary plays in that process. Certainly, others could go into more detail, speak about it more eloquently, but hopefully, this has been interesting, insightful, enlightening, or at least shows something of the formation side of seminary...
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