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A Year in Review, a Year of Blessings (2014 was Awesome!)


Oftentimes around Christmas time people send out letters to their family and friends about what they've been up to that year.  It's a good way to update everybody in a personal - but mass-produced - way as to how you are doing and, you know, the cool stuff that has happened in your life since the letter last year.  Well, this, I guess, is a bit like that.  However, I was thinking about doing the usual "year in review" but it didn't seem like the best kind of thing to talk about while contemplating Christmas. You know, here we are preparing for, and celebrating, the entrance of Our Lord into the world to save, redeem, and adopt us, but I'm instead going to spend the entire letter talking about myself, the things I've been up to, or gotten to see/do/experience/eat/enjoy, etc. - it just doesn't seem like the focus is on the right place.  But, at the same time, I know that many of you are interested in what I've been up to - especially in the transition over here to Rome - so, sticking with the tried and true answer of "D - all of the above" (in the Catholic theology/philosophy world, we use the term "both/and".), I think I'll write both about what I've been doing and how that has been such an incredible blessing from God.  Basically, I've begun to see all these amazing experiences in terms of Divine Providence, as blessings given by God to show me his love and bring me to Himself.  It's an amazing way to see things because not only does it open your (my) eyes to see God's incredible love and generosity, but it also shows Him working in my life, in forming me, guiding me, and opening me to Himself.  This reflecting back is part of the process of knowing oneself, it's super important in seminary and for the priest-in-training (as well as pretty much everybody else), but more than that, it just gives me a bigger picture than the nose-to-the-ground view that I usually have which is either "I can't wait to do X!" or "Ugh, I have so much to do today".  So, starting at the very beginning (it's a very good place to start!), here's the year that I've been blessed with!



The year began - after a wonderful Christmas break spent with family, filled with fun, and the excitement/trepidation of applying to the North American College - with a return to Bishop Brute College Seminary for my last semester of college seminary.  As during my entire time there, I felt extremely blessed to be back with the daily schedule of prayer and Mass and formation, the 40 or so other guys, my last set of "under-grad" classes.  



Adoration in the Chapel at Bishop Brute
First: Prayer and Formation.  Those few months, as in previous semesters, were marked - day after day - by the incredible blessing of consistent, frequent, and intense prayer.  From a purely human point of view, waking up at 5:45 every day to go to Mass and pray Morning Prayer in common with the other seminarians, spending 20 minutes saying the rosary between classes, coming back together for Evening Prayer, and then doing another hour of prayer before going to bed seems crazy.  Literally, as a seminarian, you spend at least 2 hours in the chapel every day!  But those hours were by far the best of each day!  Was I always attentive? - Nope.  Was I always consoled by some sort of overwhelming peace and joy? - Nope.  Were they productive? - Nope, not really.  But, moment after moment, day after day, week after week; all that time spent being with God, offering Him my failures, and joys, and gradually learning to trust, and love, and obey, from Our Lord Himself, is absolutely transformative!  I started to crave the times when I could drop to my knees and gaze at Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and re-commit myself to following Him.  Don't get me wrong, seminary is amazing (it's not all offering things up...), but much of that awesomeness comes from seeing everything - easy and hard, fun and not-so-much, exciting and boring - with the eyes of faith, from God's perspective, seeing everything as a blessing, everything as a gift, and that only happens by constantly being with Him and listening to Him.  The seminary schedule is intense, it's busy, it's tough, but it's also an amazing chance to grow in love for God, and the love of God - when you're open to it - is pretty amazing!  Formation, briefly, was also very good.  Brute has been blessed with great priests, who consistently inspired us to that growth, and conversion, and openness to God that not only is integral to discerning and following one's vocation, but also has become for me such a source of peace and joy.



After running the Race For Vocations Half-Marathon
Second: All those other guys.  I really can't emphasize how great all the other men were at Brute.  I got to know all of them so well (there was only 40-something of us), and we had an absolute blast together.  Exercising, not my favorite activity, was a ton more fun when you had other guys to do it with - even when it was 25 degrees outside and you had to go on that 5 mile run.  Plus, at the end of the semester, having endured all those early morning runs with a couple of guys, I again ran in the Indianapolis half-marathon!  Not only was it a blessing to have those other guys pushing and encouraging me, and being able to crush my goal of 100 minutes, but during those runs I was given a great opportunity to grow in the virtue of perseverance.  One of the best motivators to keep the pace up (or just keep the legs moving) after 10 or 12 miles of pounding the pavement, I found, was to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet.  Music-listening is great, but there's nothing quite like praying "Eternal Father ... increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair ... but, with great confidence, submit ourselves to Your most holy will, which is love and mercy itself."  It's hard to complain about that last hill - or stop to walk - when you are thinking about the hill of Golgotha that Our Lord climbed for our sake!   Playing other sports (football, frisbee, soccer, racquet-ball, hockey, ping-pong) was - no sacrifices necessary - always a great time, as was the time when we went out to eat or cooked something together.  Not only were these times of fun games or good food, but, more importantly, they were times of growing in fraternity, generosity, and joy.  One of the many such fun times was my 21st birthday that I celebrated with a bunch of other guys at the end of the semester (finishing up while still 20!).  Basically, pretty much everything - studying, watching movies, meandering through Indianapolis, doing yard work, waiting in line at Subway, carpooling, making breakfast, getting ice-cream, etc. - was legitimately fun, even when otherwise it wouldn't have been!   They were (and are) a great group of guys, and I was abundantly blessed to have spent a year or two learning, growing, and having fun with them!



Third: Classes.  It was about as challenging a semester as they come, with 19 credit hours total and 12 in philosophy, but intellectually, it turned out fantastic!  God and Philosophy class: yep, it involved a huge paper at the end, immense amounts of deep, tough, reading for each class, and the tests were terrifying, but I was learning to use my rational/intellectual/mental capacity to realize things about God, and fall in love with Him all the more - how do you beat that?  Much the same can be said about my other classes (Logic, Modern/Contemporary Philosophy, Catholic Schools, New Testament, Philosophical Themes in Catholic Authors, and Abnormal Psychology); they weren't always exciting, none were easy, I had the usual assortment of long-papers, tricky quizzes, nerve-wracking presentations, and exams on top of exams, and it was a constant challenge to stay on top of everything, but despite the difficulty, I learned a ton, had a great time studying/learning with the other seminarians, and was able to - better than ever before - make that all-important connection between growing in human knowledge and growing closer to Our Lord, not only because He is the source of truth (Truth itself), and not only because it was Him that blessed me with a productive, successful, and intellectually-awesome semester, but also because in the midst of those late nights, and stressful cramming sessions, and tough days, I grew to trust Him more and approached a bit more to Him on the cross.  



God will not be out-done in generosity!  Perhaps more than anything, my last semester at Brute taught me this truth!  Give God a little - a couple more minutes of prayer when you're really busy, that last mile of your run when you're beat, remaining positive when that professor drops another impossible quiz on you - and, boom!, He will not only shower blessings in the sense of stuff that you'd like (time for enjoying yourself, great friends, a diploma), but also those things that you didn't see coming (joy in prayer, growth in generosity, understanding).  



Vacation with the Family in Washington State
Moving along here...  The summer was busy, and amazing.  I had been accepted in April to come to the North American College to begin my studies in theology, so after getting everything moved out of Brute and back home, I began the process of starting to get things ready for my move over to Italy in July.  Originally, looking at the calendar, I thought I'd have plenty of free time, but after serving for the ordination, and one of the first Masses, of the new priests for our diocese (both amazing and inspirational experiences!), going back and forth to Chicago to apply for my study-visa (which I got!), enjoying a family vacation to Washington (sometimes-peaceful, sometimes-exhilarating, always-wonderful), going skydiving with a couple of other Brute guys (by my standards, crazy, but ... yeah ... crazy), helping lead a vocation retreat/camp at Brute (which re-inspired my own vocation with all those enthusiastic young men, powerful moments of prayer, and phenomenal talks), and having the requisite going-away BBQ with friends and family, I didn't have much time left.  All those things certainly were fun, but at the same time they were the mile-stones marking my eventual departure to Rome, again, an exciting proposition, but at the same time one that filled me with dismay at the thought of leaving behind everything and everyone that I knew and loved.  But, looking back, once again I am reminded of God's providence throughout the entire time - everything came together correctly, I had many great times with my family and friends who I had to say goodby to, and - on an even deeper level - God was able to bring myself to trusting Him a bit more and giving myself a bit more freely to His will.  (I'm not perfect, by any means, but it's so cool to see God - patiently, lovingly, generously - drawing me, through all these things, bit-by-bit closer to Himself).



The View of Rome that I'm blessed with here at the NAC
And then the big moment came.  I gave my family one last hug, and stepped into the TSA line in St. Louis.  Several hours later I was at my terminal in Newark, meeting many of the men from around the country who I'd be spending the next several years with.  Then, a long flight and short bus ride later, I was in Rome and moving into the North American College.  It's a large complex - housing 250 seminarians and a couple dozen priests - and is the place where we pray (in one of a 4, soon to be 5, chapels), eat (in the large refectory or sometimes in the student-kitchen/roof-top terrace), sleep (everybody has a small room of their own, mine is on the 4th floor), hang out (each hall has a lounge, and there is also a larger tv-room, auditorium, and public game room as well), play sports (we have a large, turf, field, as well as basketball and tennis courts), and have formation conferences and other assorted meetings (in the assortment of classrooms that we have here).  Pretty much, we do everything-seminary related here, except for classes (more on that later).


The Holy Stairs
So, that first week was "pre-orientation".  In other words, it was all about getting us to know each other (both my own class-mates as well as the 2nd year men who were running the week), the NAC itself (expectations, ground rules, where things are, what the daily life is like...), and Rome (I usually woke up pretty early and just wandered around the city for a bit, but we also had multiple, awesome, excursions to the different major sites/churches/places around the city.)  It was a magnificent week!  Of course, though, the best blessings wasn't the food, or the fun we had, or the excitement of being and seeing Rome, but instead the supernatural ones.  All those churches were most amazing not because of their history, or significance, or grandeur, but because they were meant to, and quite good at, lifting the mind and heart to God.  The beautiful art and architecture, all interconnected in relating the story of God's salvific plan for humanity, constantly - despite my exhaustion from jet-lag and the intense schedule - reminded me of Him, and the opportunity to pray and attend Mass in such close proximity to the many saints who walked these same streets, and in the churches that so many pilgrims have visited for centuries, was incredible! 



Sienna!
Next up was two months of Italian studies.  The first month I spent in Assisi with about half of my class (20-something out of the almost 50 of us).  Each day began with 4 hours of classes, then lunch, then 2 more hours of class, and then we were free.  I'll be honest, learning Italian was (and still is) hard.  The 6 hours a day was particularly brutal, but gradually - piano, piano as they say - I began to memorize the basic vocabulary and get quicker at being able to utilize it.  During the month I also had the chance to explore the town of Assisi (beautiful basilicas, quaint little streets, good gelato, and multiple concerts and processions on feast days) and the surrounding areas and towns (more beautiful churches, gorgeous vistas over the Umbrian countryside), and, perhaps the most impressive, the palio (an incredible horse race) in Siena.  Thus, it was a fun couple weeks of experiencing Italian culture, all while getting to know the other guys who were with me and struggling together to learn the language.  After that first month we all returned to Rome where we had a couple weeks of orientation (basically, we were slowly introduced to the daily-schedule of life as well as some of the commitments that we have in seminary - formation, spiritual direction, (for me) choir, meals in common, prayer in common, etc.)  At the same time, we continued to take Italian classes, this time only 4 hours a day, and I finally began to see myself making some progress.  It never fell into my head as easily or quickly as I would have liked, but gradually I was more and more capable of carrying on a basic conversation, and, near the end of our classes, I managed to pass the Italian-comprehension exam to begin classes at the Gregorian! (Huge relief there!)  Pretty much, it was another exciting and blessed time.  The challenge of Italian bought us together as a class - and taught me patience and humility - as did the more enjoyable moments of exploring things over here - which were a learning experience as well.


Hiking Mt. Subasio on our first Fraternal Weekend (after Orientation)
There were two weeks between the end of Italian classes and the beginning of theology classes - the first a class-retreat in a little town called Greccio (near Assisi, actually).  It was my first week-long retreat, and it was my first silent retreat.  I thought it would be difficult, or at least uncomfortable - my plan was to enjoy the talks and extra time in prayer, but to spend a lot of the time hiking around the mountains in that area.  However, God had other plans.  From the first moment that I arrived, I was struck with an incredible - surely divine - peace and joy at being there.  The talks, and beautiful, powerful hours of prayer, left me, more than all the basilicas in Rome, in awe of the generosity, love, and benevolence of our God.  He becomes one of us, a little child, to give Himself to us not only then - in the manger, in His words, on the cross - but also now - in the Sacraments, in His abundant blessings, in His word.  It was all facts that I already knew, but that week they went from my mind to my heart, they weren't just facts, I felt God's love just filling and transforming me.  All those struggles of the past couple months, and those that I could see coming up, were nothing when I realized just how much God was willing to love, to help, to sustain me through them.  Following His plan isn't - I finally realized - so much about gritting your teeth and trying your best, it's about surrendering to Him not only to the extent of being willing to obey, but to the much more difficult, yet much more amazing, extent of offering back to Him all the struggles, and joys, the stressful moments and the amazing ones - He wants to transform them, to enter again into our lives, but - as at Bethlehem - He doesn't force Himself in.  


The Other Guys on My Hallway

And that, is the conclusion that all of this past year has left me with.  The ordination of deacons in St. Peter's Basilica the next week was an inspiration for my own vocation, and a fun week just in general (crazy fact: God willing, I'll be ordained a deacon in St. Peter's in 3 short years)!  My trip with some guys to the Eastern coast of Italy (we saw the shrine of St. Padre Pio, a cave where St. Michael appeared 1500 years ago, and the Eucharistic miracle of Lanciano, where the host became Christ's flesh during Mass, and has lasted until today) was a great final hurrah before classes started up, and another amazing spiritual experience.  The semester of classes - tough because of the Italian, cool because of the stuff we are learning (about Christ, the Church, Tradition, Faith, Hebrew, the Trinity, etc.) - has flown by and now I am beginning to prepare for exams in January/February.  The NAC has continued to be a phenomenal place to live - great other young men who are consistently kind, inviting, and tons of fun to be around, constant events and other enjoyable things to do each day (banquets, sports, bible-studies, skits, movies, and so much more), fantastic priests who have continuously amazed me with their insights in the spiritual life and their generosity to us seminarians, and so many other things!  The ability to go back to Alabama for my sister’s temporary profession stands out among everything else as another incredible blessing.  But there are so many other things that have also been amazing: a trip down to the Amalfi coast (where we saw some beautiful view of the Mediterranean as well as the tombs of St. Andrew, Matthew, Benedict, and Scholastica), winning the spaghetti bowl (NAC new men vs. NAC old men),  All of these things, everything that has happened over the past year, I have - especially during this season surrounding Christmas - realized were completely gifts from God.  Even that realization is His gift!  But, beyond all those things - a great experience at Brute, the chance to study here in Rome, good friends, fun times, a supportive and loving family, living 5 minutes from the Pope - God's gift of Himself to me each and every day - in those blessings, but even more profoundly in the incarnation, the Eucharist, moments of prayer, the scriptures, and even my theological studies - is the greatest gift of all.  



An Audience with Pope Francis
Christmas is a time when we give and receive gifts.  I hope and pray that your Christmas may be a chance to realize the gift that Our Lord gives to you - not only at this time, but all the time, both naturally and spiritually.  Don't think I'm perfect at this, at realizing God's many blessings and thanking Him for them, but I hope that my keeping them in mind while looking back at the year will help you to do the same!  Merry Christmas!

 A couple of big things have happened since I finished writing this post, namely, I served Christmas Mass for Pope Francis, and I took a trip to France, so, both of those will have to be given a post (or two) or their own!  Thus, consider this a "year" in review, that is missing the last 5 days or so...


The Nativity Scene going up at St. Peter's
sorry, I know it's now after Christmas, but it's the picture I have at the moment.
More to come!
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My Sister's First Profession

Every month or so we have what is called a travel weekend, which is pretty much what it sounds like - everybody is allowed to travel some place around Europe and experience a bit of culture, food, art, history, nature, or whatever, all while building friendships with other men here and having a chance to get away from the bustle and business of Rome.  So far, I have gone on three such trips - the first to San Giovanni Rotundo (we visited the shrine of Padre Pio, Monte San Angelo, and Lanciano), the Amalfi Coast (we saw some beautiful scenery, and also got to pray before the relics of St. Andrew, St. Matthew, St. Benedict, and St. Scholastica), and this last weekend - which is probably going to be the craziest travel weekend in the foreseeable future, when I got to fly back to Alabama and be there when my sister took simple/temporary vows at the Dominican Monastery of St. Jude.  Needless to say, it was an amazing blessing to be back there, but - as seems to usually be the case - it was a whole lot more amazing than even I thought it would be beforehand!

While I was in Assisi I found out the date that my sister would be taking vows - November 22nd, the feast of St. Cecilia - and, of course, I was excited for her, but I knew that it wasn't very likely that I'd be able to be back for it, not only was it a long trip, and in the middle of the semester, but it was also NAC policy that guys don't go home for their first two years here.  However, then I heard of one of the new men who had gotten permission to return home for one of his sibling's wedding.  I didn't know if the same exception would apply to me, but I was certainly not going to pass up at least trying!  So, at my first meeting with my formation advisor - the priest who, you know, advises me as regards my formation (I meet with him once a month, we talk about how things are going - academically, pastorally, humanly, practically, etc. - and he helps to make sure I'm balancing my time/effort well and gives tips/advise/direction as regards any of the problems that could crop up from studying over here) - I asked if there was any way that I could go home for my sister's profession.  He hadn't ever experienced that question, but promised to investigate it with the "powers that be" (the formation staff here at the NAC).  I hadn't heard anything for a couple of weeks, which I tried hard not to interpret as a sign one way or the other, when I had my meeting with Msgr. Checchio.  He met with all the new men during our first month or so here, and, at least in my case, most of the conversation was him asking how things were going, talking about the process of settling in, challenges that I might encounter, and things that I should focus on during this first bit of time here.  It was a great conversation, he is a wonderful rector, but near the end of the conversation I was surprised and excited when he casually mentioned that "I'm glad to hear you'll be able to go home for your sister's profession."  I'm pretty sure my mouth fell open for about a second while I tried to comprehend what he had just said, and then I rattled something out about how great it would be, and he responded with something about loving Dominican nuns and being happy to give me the go-ahead to return for that ceremony.  I, to say the least, was excited!  I got permission from my diocese as well and a couple of days later dropped the news on my family when we were skyping.  They too, were pretty happy (alright, maybe that's an underestimation...), and dad was also really helpful in tracking down a decent deal on the flights that I would need (and would fit around everything).

So, last Thursday (the week before Thanksgiving), I left class at the Gregorian (Christology is that morning) and power-walked over to the bus stop where I had a ticket to Fiumicino.  Of course, because of some uprising/protest/strike, the bus was going to be like 45 minutes late.  I already was pushing it close to get through the airport, so I was starting to get a bit worried when an Italian lady had the bright idea to hire a taxi.  Five of us (myself, the lady, and three other young ladies) found a cab - I got back middle, as always - and off we went.  30 minutes later, nobody having had the guts to start a conversation, we pooled our money, paid the driver, and entered the airport.  I found the desk I needed, they gave me my boarding passes (after a bit of difficulty), and I made my way through security.  Off to Amsterdam!

Pretty cool, no?
In Amsterdam, having not done much except whiling away the hours of waiting/flying with a couple different books and stuff, I eventually boarded my flight to Atlanta and then settled in for the long flight.  As it turned out, I was right next to a couple who were returning from a trip they were taking with their church to the Netherlands.  We had a really nice conversation about Christianity, the priesthood, theology, the church, celibacy, and several other such topics - it was great!  Not awkward, they were very open, and I really enjoyed it.  After a pretty tasty meal (the food was good and they served wine, which was surprising, and enjoyable), I watched Guardians of the Galaxy, which was not only funny and entertaining, but also relatively clean (always nice when you're not constantly wondering at what point you'll have to turn something off).  Then I spent a bit of time in prayer - not the easiest thing in the world in a plane, but being "up there" lent a different feeling to the experience, so that was cool.  I think I watched another movie at some point, and I spent some time reading some different books (Benedict XVI's Jesus of Nazareth, a book on the Pentateuch, Fr. Gaitley's 33 Days to Morning Glory, and probably a couple of other ones).  The hours slid by and before I knew it we were being served dinner (again, pretty good) and only an hour out of Atlanta.  After an uneventful landing, and a bit of walking through the Atlanta airport (and customs...), I found my last gate with an hour or two to wait before boarding.  Being back in America, I decided to find some American cuisine and after debating about whether a certain burger place was going to be worth it, I just went with Chic-fil-A and got my fill of chicken nuggets and fries.  Again, most of the time was past with a bit of reading and some listening to podcasts and whatnot (mainly homilies and other Catholic stuff) - it's funny, I've only been on a plane several times now, but it was already getting pretty usual.  Soon enough we were boarding and then - only like 30 minutes later - I was in Birmingham.  And, 10 minutes later I was elated to see my family at the bottom of the escalators (that I was riding).  It was so good to see them again!  We stayed up late chatting together and then I dropped in bed - some 28 hours after getting up (it was a really long day). 

One month folks!
The next day, Friday, we checked out a couple of things in Birmingham - including the Cathedral (beautiful - it was a lot simpler than the churches over here, but it had stained glass windows, which aren't very often found here) and a museum of art (which had some beautiful pieces - religious and otherwise - though to some extent I have started to take that sort of thing for granted, so it wasn't quite mind-blowing).  Yeah, it was a fun day, just spent hanging out with the family, and that evening we drove over to the monastery and brought our things into the guest house.  After another short night of sleep (which is getting more and more typical) and another banana (which isn't typical over here; they provide plenty of apples, pears, peaches, oranges, plums, and kiwis, but not bananas), my brother and I met with the priest who was going to be saying Mass.  As I was expecting, it was in the Dominican Rite, which was the Roman/Papal Rite of the 1300s (very similar to the Extraordinary Form, with a couple variations), and as I wasn't expecting, one of the servers was expected to chant the Epistle.  My brother - being the generous, humble guy that he is - let me have fun with that, and after 30 minutes of reviewing what we were doing (how the profession ceremony would happen, what was different, who was doing incense, etc.) and a good bit of practicing on my part (actually, I wasn't that nervous, the tone wasn't difficult and the passage was short), we banged the set of chimes that they use to signal the beginning of Mass and processed out.  The chapel - as often in cloistered monasteries - was set up with the sisters/cloister lined up with the altar and the lay congregation off to the side (like an "L", with the sanctuary in the corner) - and because it was ad orientum, I only had a glance of my sister (in the cloister) and grandparents/uncle (who were in the congregation, obviously, but whom I hadn't seen yet).  Mass was like a Low EF Mass, but with incense, so everything went relatively normally until around the homily.  Right after the Gospel (about the foolish and wise virgins), but before the homily, my sister announced her desire to take temporary profession in the monastery.  It was simple phrase, but she was so excited! 

Before the trip I was excited to be back with the family for a bit, to visit my sister, and to enjoy a bit of American cuisine, but - looking back - this was the best moment!  There was my twin sister, much like those 50 men here who gave their lives totally over to Our Lord 2 months ago, giving her life to God - more officially/completely than before - and absolutely overjoyed to do it.  The homily was great - expounding on the beauty of the cloistered call to chastity, and the idea that kept running through my mind was that of joy.  I had been thinking about my sister's vocation in terms of difficulty.  Entering the cloister is tough, it means giving up a lot, and I thought that for that reason it was a great call.  I mean, we all have to give up something to follow God's will for us - that's the cross - but the cloister seemed a particularly difficult one regardless.  However, my sister wasn't filled with trepidation - at the difficulty - or bravado - at the challenges to come - or even excitement - for the life ahead; she was filled with joy, peace, happiness, and other such awesome gifts of God.  The thing was, where I see challenges to be pulverized (with God's help, of course), she wasn't even looking for the next challenge to be attacked, but instead simply looking at God, and trusting that He would help in whatever might come.  Where I focus on the incoming/upcoming thing to do, finish, learn, grow, or become, she simply focusses on the end goal of all that "doing", which is God, and His will.  I've wondered in the past how some of the sisters you see are always so joyful.  I mean, I'm trying to follow Christ too, but I'm not exactly constantly beaming with joy and excitement...  What's the difference?  They trust God better than I do.  Boom, now I know my next challenge, oh wait...


Receiving the black veil!
Yeah, so not only was it amazing to see my sister taking the next step in her vocation (after the homily she made a couple of promises - to the church, the bishop, the order, etc. - and also received the black veil), but it was amazing to realize that that supernatural joy is truly a gift from God.  Not in the sense that he only gives it to some people, but that only some people take Him up on that offer.  It was a beautiful moment, and one that I will cherish for a long time.  Mass continued as normal - at least as normal as Jesus transforming the host into Himself for our reception usually is - with no major hiccups at any point (oh, the Epistle went fine by the way).  After Mass, in another incredible blessing of the trip, we were allowed to come up to the grille in the chapel (where there is an opening for the sisters to receive Communion) and give my sister a hug.  She was still grinning, as you might imagine, and it was just a blessed moment (the first time my grandparents and uncle were able to visit her in there, so it was especially touching to see them meet her for the first time as a nun!)  After Mass, we got to converse for a bit - during which my sister spoke about her preparation for that big day, how the sisters had kept my coming to the ceremony a surprise till the last minute, and in general, everybody was able to fill each other on what had been happening and congratulate Sr. Mary Thomas (my sister's religious name) on her first profession.  We had a delicious - as usual - lunch provided by the sisters and then got to spend part of the afternoon continuing to speak with my sister. 

Who's the happiest?
I guess, I could prolong this post quite a bit further, droning on about the intricacies of what I was up to, but I won't, because the big things had already happened.  As usual, we struggled to come up with a poem to send back through the turn for the sisters...  Yep, I got to talk a lot with my sister (not another, but still) and we stayed up late catching up as a family (it felt like 5 AM to me)...  Yeah, I had another banana the next morning, and Mass was beautiful again (as was all the prayers that we were able to join the sisters for), and saying good-by to everybody was hard (though we did enjoy a 5-Guys burger before parting, which was about as American as it gets).  Of course, the flights were long (Spiderman 2 wasn't as good as I was hoping, but I got a tiny bit of sleep in and a bit of praying/reading in), and the airports somewhere between exciting and exasperating.  But the trip ended on a good note because the busses were running from the airport, and - annoyingly, but mostly amusingly - the wheel on my bag (with chocolate chips and BBQ sauce inside, among other things!) decided to self-destruct mid-way back to the NAC (approximately when I was passing St. Peter's), and, when I went over to St. Peter's for Mass (it was now Monday, because of the time-traveling that I had been doing..., so I hadn't been to Mass yet), I found that it was the funeral Mass for Cardinal Angelini.  I was pretty much a zombie standing there (I was going on 30 hours without much sleep - I would have never imagined they could make a seat as hard to fall asleep in than those on airplanes), but it was pretty obvious I was back in Rome.  Mass in St. Peter's, Swiss Guards, tourists, the mad rush for Communion, hearing Italian...  Va bene!

Super recap: Flying on planes can be fun, American food is still great, seeing the family after a couple months is even better, and God's grace in action, in my sister, is amazing!  The whole experience fit really well with Thanksgiving (which we are still celebrating here at the NAC - with tons of food, football, and the new/old-man shows); it truly reminded me what I am most thankful for.  Yep, being here in Rome is awesome, the food is great (here and back home), and I'm enjoying myself immensely, but life is about so much more than that!  It's about being thankful to God for His much more precious gifts: tremendous friends (here and in America), an amazing, loving, supportive family, and a call from God Himself, to follow Him, to love like Him, to give like Him, and thereby live with Him forever (starting now!)  Tremendous, right!  Thanksgiving indeed! 

Photos in the monastery from their website, otherwise from myself...  Please keep all the sisters in your prayers, especially as we begin the Year of Consecrated Life tomorrow (with the beginning of Advent!)
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Arrivederci! - A Week of Fun & Family, Packing & Preparing, Finding God's Good Amidst the Sacrifice of Going to Rome

So this morning I sat down at mom and dad's computer (because mine is broken) and started writing a post about love, how it is so much more than the modern world thinks it is, and requires so much more on our part.  But then I started getting bogged down trying to introduce the topic and so, I switched to this post, which is just as belated in coming, but will be much easier to quickly bang out.  Of course, the one on love is probably more important, but I'll have to wait for a bit of inspiration before that one gets moving again...

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati
There are so many things that I have wanted to blog about this summer: just the typical day with the family (wake up at 7, pray, eat breakfast, work on Italian a bit, go to Mass, eat lunch, pack something, pray some more, go for a run, eat dinner, watch a movie, play a board game, pray the rosary, go to bed...), more about vacation (something about all the wonderful blessings God has given me - a great family, so much great hiking, kayaking, site-seeing, and eating), or about true fatherhood (and how it must emulate the Trinity, especially in a sacrificial love), or how difficult it is to avoid being lazy during the summer (how to carve out time for prayer, or growing in generosity...), or about Our Lady, or the Sacred Heart, or Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (feast day a few days ago, incredible model for sanctity, charity, and chastity, from the modern world), and so on...  Basically, as always, I've had a ton of good ideas and not enough time and - more disastrously - not enough will power, to write them up (as of right now, I have like 60 something posts that are stuck in some kind of preliminary draft, most, I don't think, are going to escape that status).

So, I find myself less than a week away from leaving for Rome and I haven't wrote much, if anything, about what that means. So, this post will be practical, and maybe a bit funny - explaining what I've been up to lately in regards to preparing for my immanent departure - as well as explanatory - saying what I know about my trip over to the Eternal City, and what will happen once I get there - and finally, it will also be reflective - on my discernment up to this point and what it's like to be heading off to Rome.  I haven't gotten all these ideas straightened out in my head yet, but hopefully they will all come out in some sort of coherent fashion.

My Italian Visa!
Alright, so last week, having spent the previous 4 weeks at Springfield (for the ordinations), Chicago (to apply for an Italian Visa - which I have since received in the mail!), Washington (on vacation), Indianapolis (for Brute days), and Marbury, AL (to visit my sister, who is a novice at the Dominican Monastery of St. Jude down there), I didn't have much time to pack.  And so, when the 3rd or 4th week of July came around - the recommended dates by which I should ship my stuff over to Rome - I hadn't even started.  In fact, I still had four boxes of stuff on my floor, not to ship over, but ones that I hadn't even unpacked yet from moving out of Brute (yeah, I've been procrastinating).   So, as is usually the case, when I reached the point where I absolutely couldn't wait any longer, I decided to start.  I began by throwing everything in those boxes out on my floor, printing off the handy list that the NAC has made of things you should bring, and starting some sort of Catholic podcast on my iPod - here we go!  "School supplies" - well, I can get those later, I wouldn't forget things like that [yeah right!]..., "Liturgy of the Hours" - grabs them, shoves as many Holy Cards as possible into crevices between books, places in empty box - check, "Contact Lenses and Solution" - pounds down stairs, "hey dad, what's that place that you order contacts from?" [several minutes later, myself mystified by the technical jargon cryptically printed on the side of the box - spherical correction, pupilary distance, DIA, BC, ... dad decides to order the stuff - THANKS DAD! - and I pound back up to my room - check, "Italian grammar books" - checks Amazon.com, scrolls through the first 5 Italian/English dictionaries, finds one for $10, with 4 star reviews, clicks "add to cart", then gets distracted by Facebook, or YouTube, or some technology site - maybe I should get this tablet, or camera, or cool power conversion thingamabob - and then finally moves back to packing - check, "Two black suits and black pants" - check, "dozens of black socks" - "dozens!, I've never had a dozen black socks, if I have 6 pairs, that match, I think I'm doing good!", digs through the box of clothes that mom ordered, "hey look, black socks - oh yeah, mom printed this list out! [THANKS MOM!]" - check, "books" - glances around at pile of papers strewn across the floor - information on debit card, nope, visa application, nope, candidacy paperwork, nope, travel documentation, nope, finally finds the list of books, and then spends hours painstakingly tracking down the best prices for those books, and then orders the really important ones - check, sort of...  Then I glance at the clock, 11:20, good grief, we're leaving for Mass in 20 minutes, and I still need to take a shower and do morning prayer...

Too much stuff!
Such was the typical morning last week - I say week because though I expected to be able to get all my boxes packed up in a day or two, that didn't exactly happen.  Actually, I decided that I would ship my bike over as well - a lot of guys apparently have them over there, and I could see that it would be genuinely useful - can't be too hard right?  Off I went to the bicycle shop - on my bike, so they could see what kind I had - "Do you guy sell bicycle boxes?", "yep.", "OK, can I get one for my [insert type of bicycle here] bike?"  "Sure, but there is no way you'll be able to carry it home riding your bike." Oh ye of little faith, think I, it's only like a mile home, and I'm not too ashamed to look like a dork for a few minutes...  "Alright, I'll come back with a car." [a few hours later, having gone to Mass, talked with the guy at the FedEx place, and run by the bank, I return to the bike shop.] "Hi there, I'm here to pick up a bicycle box."  "Alright, that'll be $5.35, they're bringing it out from the back now."  Then, out from the back came one of the biggest boxes I had ever seen.  I mean, you couldn't fit a refrigerator in it, but there is no way I could have carried it on my bike, not even for a couple of blocks.  I awkwardly grappled with it and marched out to the car, where thankfully it squeezed into the backseat.

 Fast-forwarding through the last week - I managed to fit my bicycle into this enormous box (it took up way more space than I thought it would), and I packed in as much clothing and towels and whatnot in around it (not only to secure the bike, but also to use up all that otherwise empty space) to the point where the box was bulging ominously, and I also finally got around to fitting the last several books into each of those other boxes, and finally [sorry, this is definitely a run-on sentence] I roped my brother into helping me and we took them out to the FedEx place [5 'and's - that's terrible].  And, wouldn't you know it, they were closed because it was the day before Independence Day.  I was a bit frustrated, not only because they were closed, but also because I was already running about a week behind on getting everything shipped and now it looked like it would be another week before I could get everything moving.  Thankfully though, I found another FedEx place outside of Quincy (I guess their sorting facility or something) and they were open.  So, after driving out there, and filling out the paperwork (which wasn't short or easy), and lugging the stuff into the tiny office, I finally was able to drive away knowing (alright, more like hoping) that it was all on its way.  Update from the future: Everything arrived just a few days later in Rome and is now awaiting my arrival!

 Another big thing that happened this week regarding my immanent departure for the Eternal City was a big going away party of sorts on Saturday.  Mom had been planning it for several weeks now, thinking about all the different cool kinds of food, writing up lists of people to invite, scoping out (and renting) a pavilion at a park, and getting the house ready for the 20ish family members who were staying over.  Basically, it was going to be a pretty big deal and a last major opportunity for me to tell people what I was heading into (as well as I knew it) and - you know - saying good-buy.  Many of my cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents were there, as were a lot of family friends from Church and elsewhere, and after a bit of rain and chilly weather in the morning, the afternoon turned into a perfect 80 degree and sunny day!  We had brats, hot-dogs, pulled-pork, mustard, onions, pickles, cole-slaw, potato-salad, pasta-salad, texas caviar (salsa on steroids), chips of all kinds, baked beans, watermelon, cookies, brownies, blackberry dump cake, angel food cake, strawberries, peaches, and on and on...  (It was all absolutely delicious!)  I was able to tell pretty much everybody a huge thanks for coming as well as a brief summary of what I would be up to over the next few weeks (on Sunday, fly to Rome, stay a week at the PNAC doing preliminary orientation stuff, then go to Assisi for 4 weeks of Italian immersion, then back to Rome for the full orientation, with all the old/past-year guys as well, before finally starting classes in late September).  And, to my delight, I was also able to have a ton of fun playing tag and soccer - I am not in as good of shape as I was even 2 months ago, something about not working out 4 times a week does that to you (oh, and all that food)...

 So yeah, gosh, it was a spectacular, awesome, really-fun day.  I could go into many of the minor stories of talking with people, trying to stay warm during the morning of July 5th (what's up with that?) launching paper lanterns with cousins, collapsing that night on my sleeping-bag (the boys were kicked outside in tents because "there was no room for [us] in the place where travelers lodge" - sorry, I had to do that, the tents actually weren't bad at all).  I could reminisce about just how much of a blast it was to spend the weekend with all my cousins (as well as all those other friends) - all the fun things we did, chats we had, food we ate, or time we spent together.  But I guess I won't - rather I just want to emphasize just how blessed I am with all those wonderful, fun, people in my lives.  The times I've spent with all of them are beyond wonderful, they've been absolutely splendid, and I suppose that's a good segue into the next topic of this post: just how much I'm going to miss all of them.

 At first glance - for myself too - being able to study in Rome looked like a dream come true.  I'll be honest, every since I first heard that seminarians studied in Rome, I was hoping to be able to do it.  But then came the moment of decision, back several months now, and I saw that it would also be hard to leave everything I know and love behind (to some extent).  Of course, back in November, that moment was far removed, so even though it was one of the few things that held me back from immediately saying yes, it wasn't an immediate concern.  Now, of course, it is.  I have watched the months slip past from the beginnings of my last semester in college, to Easter, to finals, and then to summer.  Even after graduation I comforted myself with the thought that I had another 2 months - packed with things to do and see and experience with family and friends - before I had to leave for Rome.  But now, 3 days away from take-off, I find myself in the really weird situation of being incredibly excited about taking that next step, of heading off to Rome for the theology years of seminary, and at the same time being saddened by the thought of leaving my family and friends behind.  Don't get me wrong, I'll make tons of great, new, friends over there, but it's going to be hard to not be with everybody from back home.  Am I worried about the Italian - sure - the oral finals - a bit - the totally unfamiliar place - yeah - but not that much...  I'm confidant that I can manage all those things.  But the remaining challenge, of leaving family and friends behind (again, not completely, I can skype, but it's not quite the same), that is something that no amount of hard work, or late nights, or confidence, can overcome.  That is a "loss", a sacrifice, that only God's grace is going to bring good out of.  Again, don't think that I'm considering it some dire, terrible, moment - moving away happens to everybody at some point, it would have happened in some measure regardless of whichever seminary I did theology at, but for me, going as far away as Rome, I think, will be especially challenging.  

 I guess, what I'm trying to say here, is that I first thought that doing seminary in Rome would be completely wonderful, no sacrifices in sight - but I was wrong.  I still consider it a huge opportunity, and I'm sure it will be a wonderful, awesome, fun experience, and I know it will be spectacular to see everything over there, but I am now realizing that following ones vocation always brings one closer to the cross.  In a way, I'm glad, it means I'm on the right track - no pain, no gain; no cross, no Christ.  My aunt reminded me of this precise truth when she was here (and helping me go through the list of things I still need to pack) - every vocation - marriage, priesthood, religious life, single life - requires us to unite ourselves with Christ on the cross.  There is no resurrection, no victory, no heaven, without Calvary, without deciding to give up my wants, my petty pleasures, my sins, and instead allowing Christ's love to completely penetrate me.  Every vocation requires conversion, requires us becoming more like Christ (meaning being humble enough to accept death, even death on a cross), and I have found a tiny sliver of this truth in the otherwise fantastic chance I have received to be able to study in Rome.  I've been telling people over the past few months that I am both excited and scared to do my theology there, but in writing this post, I have realized that I'm not scared, I'm just excited.  Wait a second, you say, half this post was about how tough it's going to be for you to go over there, isn't that fear?  Well, no it's not, at least not any more.  Now, knowing full well that it could be tough to step on that plane (as well as the weeks that follow), I have realized that that small cross, that tiny sacrifice (in the big scheme of things) is a chance for me to follow Christ.  I feel better than ever about going to Rome because I feel like it won't just be an awesome experience, it will also be an experience that makes me a better man, a better (God willing) priest, and hopefully a saint.  It's not just an opportunity to see the world, it's an opportunity to increase my faith in God, to trust Him more, to become less attached to the passing things of this life.  

 I had prayed over the past month or so that God - in taking me away from my family and friends - could somehow allow me to love them more, and I'm starting to realize how He is doing that.  Certainly, I won't be able to hang out with them in the same way, but maybe I'll come back a slightly holier person (we can hope!), maybe I'll be reminded to pray for them more, maybe I'll better realize their connection to me in the mystical body of Christ?  It's a more mystical, hard to see, kind of love, but its a better, stronger, more divine way to love at the same time!

 Alright, so back to the present.  I have a few more days at home with the family - which I will use to pack up the last of my stuff (I sure hope it all fits in a suitcase) and spend some quality time with the family and in prayer - and then on Saturday, when everything gets done, I will head down to St. Louis for the afternoon/evening/night before boarding my plane from the airport there on Sunday morning at 9AM.  My flight goes to Newark, where I will wait around for several hours, and then - along with some 40 other new guys heading to the NAC - get on the plane for Rome at 5:15 PM.  After 8 and a half hours of flying (15-something hours on the clock), I will land in Rome!
Just what I needed...

Another update from the very annoying present: my computer just broke (best guess: the power jack, or charging sub-system, or maybe flux capacitor, fried itself), and is now heading across the country for repairs.  Thus, I won't have it for a while in Rome/Assisi.  So, while I hope to get some posts up here, and I really hope to keep Facebook and Flickr up to date on what's going on over there, it may not be as frequent as I'd like.  We'll see...  (God sure is good at making sure I'm detached from things - if anything, the money that I'm going to have to shell out to fix/replace things that I didn't want to fix or replace!)

 Your quick recap of this post:  God is wonderful!  He has given me a wonderful family, and fantastic friends, both of whom I will miss greatly in heading over to Rome.  But, that sacrifice, I am starting to see, is not just a trade-off that comes with studying abroad (a cost, for the benefit of seeing the world), it's also a very real opportunity to grow in love for Christ (as every moment is)!  Please send some prayers my way so that I can continue to realize that truth, and continue to grow more like Christ (I'll reciprocate!)
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