Arrivederci! - A Week of Fun & Family, Packing & Preparing, Finding God's Good Amidst the Sacrifice of Going to Rome

7/10/2014 Awesome , Detachment , Family , Fun , PNAC , Priesthood , Rome , Sacrifice , The Cross , Vocation 0 Comments

Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati

There are so many things that I have wanted to blog about this summer: just the typical day with the family (wake up at 7, pray, eat breakfast, work on Italian a bit, go to Mass, eat lunch, pack something, pray some more, go for a run, eat dinner, watch a movie, play a board game, pray the rosary, go to bed...), more about vacation (something about all the wonderful blessings God has given me - a great family, so much great hiking, kayaking, site-seeing, and eating), or about true fatherhood (and how it must emulate the Trinity, especially in a sacrificial love), or how difficult it is to avoid being lazy during the summer (how to carve out time for prayer, or growing in generosity...), or about Our Lady, or the Sacred Heart, or Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (feast day a few days ago, incredible model for sanctity, charity, and chastity, from the modern world), and so on...  Basically, as always, I've had a ton of good ideas and not enough time and - more disastrously - not enough will power, to write them up (as of right now, I have like 60 something posts that are stuck in some kind of preliminary draft, most, I don't think, are going to escape that status).

My Italian Visa!

Alright, so last week, having spent the previous 4 weeks at Springfield (for the ordinations), Chicago (to apply for an Italian Visa - which I have since received in the mail!), Washington (on vacation), Indianapolis (for Brute days), and Marbury, AL (to visit my sister, who is a novice at the Dominican Monastery of St. Jude down there), I didn't have much time to pack.  And so, when the 3rd or 4th week of July came around - the recommended dates by which I should ship my stuff over to Rome - I hadn't even started.  In fact, I still had four boxes of stuff on my floor, not to ship over, but ones that I hadn't even unpacked yet from moving out of Brute (yeah, I've been procrastinating).   So, as is usually the case, when I reached the point where I absolutely couldn't wait any longer, I decided to start.  I began by throwing everything in those boxes out on my floor, printing off the handy list that the NAC has made of things you should bring, and starting some sort of Catholic podcast on my iPod - here we go!  "School supplies" - well, I can get those later, I wouldn't forget things like that [yeah right!]..., "Liturgy of the Hours" - grabs them, shoves as many Holy Cards as possible into crevices between books, places in empty box - check, "Contact Lenses and Solution" - pounds down stairs, "hey dad, what's that place that you order contacts from?" [several minutes later, myself mystified by the technical jargon cryptically printed on the side of the box - spherical correction, pupilary distance, DIA, BC, ... dad decides to order the stuff - THANKS DAD! - and I pound back up to my room - check, "Italian grammar books" - checks Amazon.com, scrolls through the first 5 Italian/English dictionaries, finds one for $10, with 4 star reviews, clicks "add to cart", then gets distracted by Facebook, or YouTube, or some technology site - maybe I should get this tablet, or camera, or cool power conversion thingamabob - and then finally moves back to packing - check, "Two black suits and black pants" - check, "dozens of black socks" - "dozens!, I've never had a dozen black socks, if I have 6 pairs, that match, I think I'm doing good!", digs through the box of clothes that mom ordered, "hey look, black socks - oh yeah, mom printed this list out! [THANKS MOM!]" - check, "books" - glances around at pile of papers strewn across the floor - information on debit card, nope, visa application, nope, candidacy paperwork, nope, travel documentation, nope, finally finds the list of books, and then spends hours painstakingly tracking down the best prices for those books, and then orders the really important ones - check, sort of...  Then I glance at the clock, 11:20, good grief, we're leaving for Mass in 20 minutes, and I still need to take a shower and do morning prayer...

Too much stuff!

Such was the typical morning last week - I say week because though I expected to be able to get all my boxes packed up in a day or two, that didn't exactly happen.  Actually, I decided that I would ship my bike over as well - a lot of guys apparently have them over there, and I could see that it would be genuinely useful - can't be too hard right?  Off I went to the bicycle shop - on my bike, so they could see what kind I had - "Do you guy sell bicycle boxes?", "yep.", "OK, can I get one for my [insert type of bicycle here] bike?"  "Sure, but there is no way you'll be able to carry it home riding your bike." Oh ye of little faith, think I, it's only like a mile home, and I'm not too ashamed to look like a dork for a few minutes...  "Alright, I'll come back with a car." [a few hours later, having gone to Mass, talked with the guy at the FedEx place, and run by the bank, I return to the bike shop.] "Hi there, I'm here to pick up a bicycle box."  "Alright, that'll be $5.35, they're bringing it out from the back now."  Then, out from the back came one of the biggest boxes I had ever seen.  I mean, you couldn't fit a refrigerator in it, but there is no way I could have carried it on my bike, not even for a couple of blocks.  I awkwardly grappled with it and marched out to the car, where thankfully it squeezed into the backseat.

Fast-forwarding through the last week - I managed to fit my bicycle into this enormous box (it took up way more space than I thought it would), and I packed in as much clothing and towels and whatnot in around it (not only to secure the bike, but also to use up all that otherwise empty space) to the point where the box was bulging ominously, and I also finally got around to fitting the last several books into each of those other boxes, and finally [sorry, this is definitely a run-on sentence] I roped my brother into helping me and we took them out to the FedEx place [5 'and's - that's terrible].  And, wouldn't you know it, they were closed because it was the day before Independence Day.  I was a bit frustrated, not only because they were closed, but also because I was already running about a week behind on getting everything shipped and now it looked like it would be another week before I could get everything moving.  Thankfully though, I found another FedEx place outside of Quincy (I guess their sorting facility or something) and they were open.  So, after driving out there, and filling out the paperwork (which wasn't short or easy), and lugging the stuff into the tiny office, I finally was able to drive away knowing (alright, more like hoping) that it was all on its way.  Update from the future: Everything arrived just a few days later in Rome and is now awaiting my arrival!

Another big thing that happened this week regarding my immanent departure for the Eternal City was a big going away party of sorts on Saturday.  Mom had been planning it for several weeks now, thinking about all the different cool kinds of food, writing up lists of people to invite, scoping out (and renting) a pavilion at a park, and getting the house ready for the 20ish family members who were staying over.  Basically, it was going to be a pretty big deal and a last major opportunity for me to tell people what I was heading into (as well as I knew it) and - you know - saying good-buy.  Many of my cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents were there, as were a lot of family friends from Church and elsewhere, and after a bit of rain and chilly weather in the morning, the afternoon turned into a perfect 80 degree and sunny day!  We had brats, hot-dogs, pulled-pork, mustard, onions, pickles, cole-slaw, potato-salad, pasta-salad, texas caviar (salsa on steroids), chips of all kinds, baked beans, watermelon, cookies, brownies, blackberry dump cake, angel food cake, strawberries, peaches, and on and on...  (It was all absolutely delicious!)  I was able to tell pretty much everybody a huge thanks for coming as well as a brief summary of what I would be up to over the next few weeks (on Sunday, fly to Rome, stay a week at the PNAC doing preliminary orientation stuff, then go to Assisi for 4 weeks of Italian immersion, then back to Rome for the full orientation, with all the old/past-year guys as well, before finally starting classes in late September).  And, to my delight, I was also able to have a ton of fun playing tag and soccer - I am not in as good of shape as I was even 2 months ago, something about not working out 4 times a week does that to you (oh, and all that food)...

So yeah, gosh, it was a spectacular, awesome, really-fun day.  I could go into many of the minor stories of talking with people, trying to stay warm during the morning of July 5th (what's up with that?) launching paper lanterns with cousins, collapsing that night on my sleeping-bag (the boys were kicked outside in tents because "there was no room for [us] in the place where travelers lodge" - sorry, I had to do that, the tents actually weren't bad at all).  I could reminisce about just how much of a blast it was to spend the weekend with all my cousins (as well as all those other friends) - all the fun things we did, chats we had, food we ate, or time we spent together.  But I guess I won't - rather I just want to emphasize just how blessed I am with all those wonderful, fun, people in my lives.  The times I've spent with all of them are beyond wonderful, they've been absolutely splendid, and I suppose that's a good segue into the next topic of this post: just how much I'm going to miss all of them.

At first glance - for myself too - being able to study in Rome looked like a dream come true.  I'll be honest, every since I first heard that seminarians studied in Rome, I was hoping to be able to do it.  But then came the moment of decision, back several months now, and I saw that it would also be hard to leave everything I know and love behind (to some extent).  Of course, back in November, that moment was far removed, so even though it was one of the few things that held me back from immediately saying yes, it wasn't an immediate concern.  Now, of course, it is.  I have watched the months slip past from the beginnings of my last semester in college, to Easter, to finals, and then to summer.  Even after graduation I comforted myself with the thought that I had another 2 months - packed with things to do and see and experience with family and friends - before I had to leave for Rome.  But now, 3 days away from take-off, I find myself in the really weird situation of being incredibly excited about taking that next step, of heading off to Rome for the theology years of seminary, and at the same time being saddened by the thought of leaving my family and friends behind.  Don't get me wrong, I'll make tons of great, new, friends over there, but it's going to be hard to not be with everybody from back home.  Am I worried about the Italian - sure - the oral finals - a bit - the totally unfamiliar place - yeah - but not that much...  I'm confidant that I can manage all those things.  But the remaining challenge, of leaving family and friends behind (again, not completely, I can skype, but it's not quite the same), that is something that no amount of hard work, or late nights, or confidence, can overcome.  That is a "loss", a sacrifice, that only God's grace is going to bring good out of.  Again, don't think that I'm considering it some dire, terrible, moment - moving away happens to everybody at some point, it would have happened in some measure regardless of whichever seminary I did theology at, but for me, going as far away as Rome, I think, will be especially challenging.  

I guess, what I'm trying to say here, is that I first thought that doing seminary in Rome would be completely wonderful, no sacrifices in sight - but I was wrong.  I still consider it a huge opportunity, and I'm sure it will be a wonderful, awesome, fun experience, and I know it will be spectacular to see everything over there, but I am now realizing that following ones vocation always brings one closer to the cross.  In a way, I'm glad, it means I'm on the right track - no pain, no gain; no cross, no Christ.  My aunt reminded me of this precise truth when she was here (and helping me go through the list of things I still need to pack) - every vocation - marriage, priesthood, religious life, single life - requires us to unite ourselves with Christ on the cross.  There is no resurrection, no victory, no heaven, without Calvary, without deciding to give up my wants, my petty pleasures, my sins, and instead allowing Christ's love to completely penetrate me.  Every vocation requires conversion, requires us becoming more like Christ (meaning being humble enough to accept death, even death on a cross), and I have found a tiny sliver of this truth in the otherwise fantastic chance I have received to be able to study in Rome.  I've been telling people over the past few months that I am both excited and scared to do my theology there, but in writing this post, I have realized that I'm not scared, I'm just excited.  Wait a second, you say, half this post was about how tough it's going to be for you to go over there, isn't that fear?  Well, no it's not, at least not any more.  Now, knowing full well that it could be tough to step on that plane (as well as the weeks that follow), I have realized that that small cross, that tiny sacrifice (in the big scheme of things) is a chance for me to follow Christ.  I feel better than ever about going to Rome because I feel like it won't just be an awesome experience, it will also be an experience that makes me a better man, a better (God willing) priest, and hopefully a saint.  It's not just an opportunity to see the world, it's an opportunity to increase my faith in God, to trust Him more, to become less attached to the passing things of this life.  

I had prayed over the past month or so that God - in taking me away from my family and friends - could somehow allow me to love them more, and I'm starting to realize how He is doing that.  Certainly, I won't be able to hang out with them in the same way, but maybe I'll come back a slightly holier person (we can hope!), maybe I'll be reminded to pray for them more, maybe I'll better realize their connection to me in the mystical body of Christ?  It's a more mystical, hard to see, kind of love, but its a better, stronger, more divine way to love at the same time!

Alright, so back to the present.  I have a few more days at home with the family - which I will use to pack up the last of my stuff (I sure hope it all fits in a suitcase) and spend some quality time with the family and in prayer - and then on Saturday, when everything gets done, I will head down to St. Louis for the afternoon/evening/night before boarding my plane from the airport there on Sunday morning at 9AM.  My flight goes to Newark, where I will wait around for several hours, and then - along with some 40 other new guys heading to the NAC - get on the plane for Rome at 5:15 PM.  After 8 and a half hours of flying (15-something hours on the clock), I will land in Rome!

Just what I needed...

Another update from the very annoying present: my computer just broke (best guess: the power jack, or charging sub-system, or maybe flux capacitor, fried itself), and is now heading across the country for repairs.  Thus, I won't have it for a while in Rome/Assisi.  So, while I hope to get some posts up here, and I really hope to keep Facebook and Flickr up to date on what's going on over there, it may not be as frequent as I'd like.  We'll see...  (God sure is good at making sure I'm detached from things - if anything, the money that I'm going to have to shell out to fix/replace things that I didn't want to fix or replace!)

Your quick recap of this post:  God is wonderful!  He has given me a wonderful family, and fantastic friends, both of whom I will miss greatly in heading over to Rome.  But, that sacrifice, I am starting to see, is not just a trade-off that comes with studying abroad (a cost, for the benefit of seeing the world), it's also a very real opportunity to grow in love for Christ (as every moment is)!  Please send some prayers my way so that I can continue to realize that truth, and continue to grow more like Christ (I'll reciprocate!)