Oftentimes
around Christmas time people send out letters to their family and friends about
what they've been up to that year. It's a good way to update everybody in
a personal - but mass-produced - way as to how you are doing and, you know, the
cool stuff that has happened in your life since the letter last year.
Well, this, I guess, is a bit like that. However, I was thinking about
doing the usual "year in review" but it didn't seem like the best
kind of thing to talk about while contemplating Christmas. You know, here we
are preparing for, and celebrating, the entrance of Our Lord into the world to
save, redeem, and adopt us, but I'm instead going to spend the entire letter
talking about myself, the things I've been up to, or gotten to see/do/experience/eat/enjoy,
etc. - it just doesn't seem like the focus is on the right place. But,
at the same time, I know that many of you are interested in what I've
been up to - especially in the transition over here to Rome - so, sticking with
the tried and true answer of "D - all of the above" (in the Catholic
theology/philosophy world, we use the term "both/and".), I think I'll
write both about what I've been doing and how that has been such an incredible
blessing from God. Basically, I've begun to see all these amazing
experiences in terms of Divine Providence, as blessings given by God to show me
his love and bring me to Himself. It's an amazing way to see things
because not only does it open your (my) eyes to see God's incredible love and
generosity, but it also shows Him working in my life, in forming me, guiding
me, and opening me to Himself. This reflecting back is part of the
process of knowing oneself, it's super important in seminary and for the
priest-in-training (as well as pretty much everybody else), but more than that,
it just gives me a bigger picture than the nose-to-the-ground view that I
usually have which is either "I can't wait to do X!" or
"Ugh, I have so much to do today". So, starting at the very
beginning (it's a very good place to start!), here's the year that I've been
blessed with!
The
year began - after a wonderful Christmas break spent with family, filled with
fun, and the excitement/trepidation of applying to the North American College -
with a return to Bishop Brute College Seminary for my last semester of college
seminary. As during my entire time there, I felt extremely blessed to be
back with the daily schedule of prayer and Mass and formation, the 40 or so
other guys, my last set of "under-grad" classes.
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| Adoration in the Chapel at Bishop Brute |
First:
Prayer and Formation. Those few months, as in previous semesters, were
marked - day after day - by the incredible blessing of consistent, frequent,
and intense prayer. From a purely human point of view, waking up at 5:45
every day to go to Mass and pray Morning Prayer in common with the other
seminarians, spending 20 minutes saying the rosary between classes, coming back
together for Evening Prayer, and then doing another hour of prayer before going
to bed seems crazy. Literally, as a seminarian, you spend at least
2 hours in the chapel every day! But those hours were by far the best of
each day! Was I always attentive? - Nope. Was I always consoled by
some sort of overwhelming peace and joy? - Nope. Were they productive? -
Nope, not really. But, moment after moment, day after day, week after
week; all that time spent being with God, offering Him my failures, and joys,
and gradually learning to trust, and love, and obey, from Our Lord Himself, is
absolutely transformative! I started to crave the times when I could drop
to my knees and gaze at Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and re-commit myself
to following Him. Don't get me wrong, seminary is amazing (it's
not all offering things up...), but much of that awesomeness comes from seeing
everything - easy and hard, fun and not-so-much, exciting and boring - with the
eyes of faith, from God's perspective, seeing everything as a blessing,
everything as a gift, and that only happens by constantly being with Him
and listening to Him. The seminary schedule is intense, it's busy, it's
tough, but it's also an amazing chance to grow in love for God, and the love of
God - when you're open to it - is pretty amazing! Formation, briefly, was
also very good. Brute has been blessed with great priests, who consistently
inspired us to that growth, and conversion, and openness to God that not only
is integral to discerning and following one's vocation, but also has become for
me such a source of peace and joy.
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| After running the Race For Vocations Half-Marathon |
Second:
All those other guys. I really can't emphasize how great all the other
men were at Brute. I got to know all of them so well (there was only
40-something of us), and we had an absolute blast together. Exercising,
not my favorite activity, was a ton more fun when you had other guys to do it
with - even when it was 25 degrees outside and you had to go on that 5 mile
run. Plus, at the end of the semester, having endured all those early
morning runs with a couple of guys, I again ran in the Indianapolis
half-marathon! Not only was it a blessing to have those other guys
pushing and encouraging me, and being able to crush my goal of 100 minutes, but
during those runs I was given a great opportunity to grow in the virtue of
perseverance. One of the best motivators to keep the pace up (or just
keep the legs moving) after 10 or 12 miles of pounding the pavement, I found,
was to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Music-listening is great, but
there's nothing quite like praying "Eternal Father ... increase Your mercy
in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair ... but, with great
confidence, submit ourselves to Your most holy will, which is love and mercy
itself." It's hard to complain about that last hill - or stop to
walk - when you are thinking about the hill of Golgotha that Our Lord climbed
for our sake! Playing other sports (football, frisbee, soccer,
racquet-ball, hockey, ping-pong) was - no sacrifices necessary - always a great
time, as was the time when we went out to eat or cooked something
together. Not only were these times of fun games or good food, but, more
importantly, they were times of growing in fraternity, generosity, and
joy. One of the many such fun times was my 21st birthday that I
celebrated with a bunch of other guys at the end of the semester (finishing up
while still 20!). Basically, pretty much everything - studying, watching
movies, meandering through Indianapolis, doing yard work, waiting in line at
Subway, carpooling, making breakfast, getting ice-cream, etc. - was
legitimately fun, even when otherwise it wouldn't have been! They were
(and are) a great group of guys, and I was abundantly blessed to have spent a
year or two learning, growing, and having fun with them!
Third:
Classes. It was about as challenging a semester as they come, with 19
credit hours total and 12 in philosophy, but intellectually, it turned out
fantastic! God and Philosophy class: yep, it involved a huge paper at the
end, immense amounts of deep, tough, reading for each class, and the tests were
terrifying, but I was learning to use my rational/intellectual/mental capacity
to realize things about God, and fall in love with Him all the more - how do
you beat that? Much the same can be said about my other classes (Logic,
Modern/Contemporary Philosophy, Catholic Schools, New Testament, Philosophical
Themes in Catholic Authors, and Abnormal Psychology); they weren't always
exciting, none were easy, I had the usual assortment of long-papers, tricky
quizzes, nerve-wracking presentations, and exams on top of exams, and it was a
constant challenge to stay on top of everything, but despite the
difficulty, I learned a ton, had a great time studying/learning with the other
seminarians, and was able to - better than ever before - make that
all-important connection between growing in human knowledge and growing closer
to Our Lord, not only because He is the source of truth (Truth itself), and not
only because it was Him that blessed me with a productive, successful, and
intellectually-awesome semester, but also because in the midst of those late
nights, and stressful cramming sessions, and tough days, I grew to trust Him
more and approached a bit more to Him on the cross.
God
will not be out-done in generosity! Perhaps more than anything, my last
semester at Brute taught me this truth! Give God a little - a couple more
minutes of prayer when you're really busy, that last mile of your run when
you're beat, remaining positive when that professor drops another impossible
quiz on you - and, boom!, He will not only shower blessings in the sense of
stuff that you'd like (time for enjoying yourself, great friends, a diploma),
but also those things that you didn't see coming (joy in prayer, growth in
generosity, understanding).
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| Vacation with the Family in Washington State |
Moving
along here... The summer was busy, and amazing. I had been accepted
in April to come to the North American College to begin my studies in theology,
so after getting everything moved out of Brute and back home, I began the
process of starting to get things ready for my move over to Italy in
July. Originally, looking at the calendar, I thought I'd have plenty of
free time, but after serving for the ordination, and one of the first Masses,
of the new priests for our diocese (both amazing and inspirational
experiences!), going back and forth to Chicago to apply for my study-visa
(which I got!), enjoying a family vacation to Washington (sometimes-peaceful,
sometimes-exhilarating, always-wonderful), going skydiving with a couple of
other Brute guys (by my standards, crazy, but ... yeah ... crazy), helping lead
a vocation retreat/camp at Brute (which re-inspired my own vocation with all
those enthusiastic young men, powerful moments of prayer, and phenomenal
talks), and having the requisite going-away BBQ with friends and family, I
didn't have much time left. All those things certainly were fun, but at
the same time they were the mile-stones marking my eventual departure to Rome,
again, an exciting proposition, but at the same time one that filled me with
dismay at the thought of leaving behind everything and everyone that I knew and
loved. But, looking back, once again I am reminded of God's providence
throughout the entire time - everything came together correctly, I had many
great times with my family and friends who I had to say goodby to, and - on an
even deeper level - God was able to bring myself to trusting Him a bit more and
giving myself a bit more freely to His will. (I'm not perfect, by any
means, but it's so cool to see God - patiently, lovingly, generously -
drawing me, through all these things, bit-by-bit closer to Himself).
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| The View of Rome that I'm blessed with here at the NAC |
And
then the big moment came. I gave my family one last hug, and stepped into
the TSA line in St. Louis. Several hours later I was at my terminal in
Newark, meeting many of the men from around the country who I'd be spending the
next several years with. Then, a long flight and short bus ride later, I
was in Rome and moving into the North American College. It's a large
complex - housing 250 seminarians and a couple dozen priests - and is the place
where we pray (in one of a 4, soon to be 5, chapels), eat (in the large
refectory or sometimes in the student-kitchen/roof-top terrace), sleep
(everybody has a small room of their own, mine is on the 4th floor), hang out
(each hall has a lounge, and there is also a larger tv-room, auditorium, and
public game room as well), play sports (we have a large, turf, field, as well
as basketball and tennis courts), and have formation conferences and other
assorted meetings (in the assortment of classrooms that we have here).
Pretty much, we do everything-seminary related here, except for classes (more
on that later).
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| The Holy Stairs |
So,
that first week was "pre-orientation". In other words, it was
all about getting us to know each other (both my own class-mates as well as the
2nd year men who were running the week), the NAC itself (expectations, ground
rules, where things are, what the daily life is like...), and Rome (I usually
woke up pretty early and just wandered around the city for a bit, but we also
had multiple, awesome, excursions to the different major sites/churches/places
around the city.) It was a magnificent week! Of course, though, the
best blessings wasn't the food, or the fun we had, or the excitement of being
and seeing Rome, but instead the supernatural ones. All those churches
were most amazing not because of their history, or significance, or grandeur,
but because they were meant to, and quite good at, lifting the mind and heart
to God. The beautiful art and architecture, all interconnected in
relating the story of God's salvific plan for humanity, constantly - despite my
exhaustion from jet-lag and the intense schedule - reminded me of Him, and the
opportunity to pray and attend Mass in such close proximity to the many saints
who walked these same streets, and in the churches that so many pilgrims have
visited for centuries, was incredible!
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| Sienna! |
Next
up was two months of Italian studies. The first month I spent in Assisi
with about half of my class (20-something out of the almost 50 of us).
Each day began with 4 hours of classes, then lunch, then 2 more hours of class,
and then we were free. I'll be honest, learning Italian was (and still
is) hard. The 6 hours a day was particularly brutal, but gradually - piano,
piano as they say - I began to memorize the basic vocabulary and get
quicker at being able to utilize it. During the month I also had the
chance to explore the town of Assisi (beautiful basilicas, quaint little
streets, good gelato, and multiple concerts and processions on feast days) and
the surrounding areas and towns (more beautiful churches, gorgeous vistas over
the Umbrian countryside), and, perhaps the most impressive, the palio (an
incredible horse race) in Siena. Thus, it was a fun couple weeks of
experiencing Italian culture, all while getting to know the other guys who were
with me and struggling together to learn the language. After that first
month we all returned to Rome where we had a couple weeks of orientation
(basically, we were slowly introduced to the daily-schedule of life as well as
some of the commitments that we have in seminary - formation, spiritual
direction, (for me) choir, meals in common, prayer in common, etc.) At
the same time, we continued to take Italian classes, this time only 4
hours a day, and I finally began to see myself making some progress. It
never fell into my head as easily or quickly as I would have liked, but
gradually I was more and more capable of carrying on a basic conversation, and,
near the end of our classes, I managed to pass the Italian-comprehension exam
to begin classes at the Gregorian! (Huge relief there!) Pretty much, it
was another exciting and blessed time. The challenge of Italian bought us
together as a class - and taught me patience and humility - as did the more
enjoyable moments of exploring things over here - which were a learning
experience as well.
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| Hiking Mt. Subasio on our first Fraternal Weekend (after Orientation) |
There
were two weeks between the end of Italian classes and the beginning of theology
classes - the first a class-retreat in a little town called Greccio (near
Assisi, actually). It was my first week-long retreat, and it was my first
silent retreat. I thought it would be difficult, or at least
uncomfortable - my plan was to enjoy the talks and extra time in prayer, but to
spend a lot of the time hiking around the mountains in that area.
However, God had other plans. From the first moment that I arrived, I was
struck with an incredible - surely divine - peace and joy at being there.
The talks, and beautiful, powerful hours of prayer, left me, more than all the
basilicas in Rome, in awe of the generosity, love, and benevolence of our
God. He becomes one of us, a little child, to give Himself to us not only
then - in the manger, in His words, on the cross - but also now - in the
Sacraments, in His abundant blessings, in His word. It was all facts that
I already knew, but that week they went from my mind to my heart, they weren't
just facts, I felt God's love just filling and transforming me. All those
struggles of the past couple months, and those that I could see coming up, were
nothing when I realized just how much God was willing to love, to help, to
sustain me through them. Following His plan isn't - I finally realized
- so much about gritting your teeth and trying your best, it's about
surrendering to Him not only to the extent of being willing to obey, but to the
much more difficult, yet much more amazing, extent of offering back to Him all
the struggles, and joys, the stressful moments and the amazing ones - He wants
to transform them, to enter again into our lives, but - as at Bethlehem - He
doesn't force Himself in.
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| The Other Guys on My Hallway |
And that, is the conclusion that all of this past year has left me
with. The ordination of deacons in St. Peter's Basilica the next week was
an inspiration for my own vocation, and a fun week just in general (crazy fact:
God willing, I'll be ordained a deacon in St. Peter's in 3 short years)!
My trip with some guys to the Eastern coast of Italy (we saw the shrine of St.
Padre Pio, a cave where St. Michael appeared 1500 years ago, and the
Eucharistic miracle of Lanciano, where the host became Christ's flesh during
Mass, and has lasted until today) was a great final hurrah before classes
started up, and another amazing spiritual experience. The semester of
classes - tough because of the Italian, cool because of the stuff we are
learning (about Christ, the Church, Tradition, Faith, Hebrew, the Trinity, etc.)
- has flown by and now I am beginning to prepare for exams in
January/February. The NAC has continued to be a phenomenal place to live
- great other young men who are consistently kind, inviting, and tons of fun to
be around, constant events and other enjoyable things to do each day (banquets,
sports, bible-studies, skits, movies, and so much more), fantastic priests who
have continuously amazed me with their insights in the spiritual life and their
generosity to us seminarians, and so many other things! The ability to go
back to Alabama for my sister’s temporary profession stands out among
everything else as another incredible blessing. But there are so many
other things that have also been amazing: a trip down to the Amalfi coast
(where we saw some beautiful view of the Mediterranean as well as the tombs of
St. Andrew, Matthew, Benedict, and Scholastica), winning the spaghetti bowl (NAC
new men vs. NAC old men), All of these
things, everything that has happened over the past year, I have -
especially during this season surrounding Christmas - realized were completely
gifts from God. Even that realization is His gift! But,
beyond all those things - a great experience at Brute, the chance to study here
in Rome, good friends, fun times, a supportive and loving family, living 5
minutes from the Pope - God's gift of Himself to me each and every day - in
those blessings, but even more profoundly in the incarnation, the Eucharist,
moments of prayer, the scriptures, and even my theological studies - is the
greatest gift of all.
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| An Audience with Pope Francis |
Christmas
is a time when we give and receive gifts. I hope and pray that your
Christmas may be a chance to realize the gift that Our Lord gives to you - not
only at this time, but all the time, both naturally and spiritually.
Don't think I'm perfect at this, at realizing God's many blessings and thanking
Him for them, but I hope that my keeping them in mind while looking back at the
year will help you to do the same! Merry Christmas!
A couple of big things have happened since I finished writing this post, namely, I served Christmas Mass for Pope Francis, and I took a trip to France, so, both of those will have to be given a post (or two) or their own! Thus, consider this a "year" in review, that is missing the last 5 days or so...
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The Nativity Scene going up at St. Peter's
sorry, I know it's now after Christmas, but it's the picture I have at the moment.
More to come! |
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