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Totus Tuus - The Beginnings
On last Wednesday evening, I attended the Totus Tuus session at St. Peter's here in Quincy. Willie, one of the Springfield seminarians who goes to Bruté, was one of the 4 team members leading this particular Totus Tuus session, and I wanted to see how it went.
After all the kids arrived, there was a quick game of kick-ball (during which I managed to get as far as second base) followed by a talk by one of the team leaders about the sacraments of the Eucharist and Confession. Every evening has a different topic, hitting major parts of living the Catholic Faith. The young lady giving the talk this evening came from a personal perspective on how she (somewhat recently) came to love spending time at Exposition just talking with God. She explained to the kids present (probably 40 or more) that for the longest time she had found spending time in Exposition to be absolutely boring, un-productive, and interminable. She would rattle through the Rosary, or just repeat prayer after prayer, and never found herself actually praying. Of course, she then related how her perspective completely changed when she started praying to God. Instead of rote repetition, she started praying to God about her life, her problems, her joys, etc. At this point she invited everybody to spend a few moments in silent prayer - not saying anything in particular, but just talking to God.
Now before the talk, Willie had mentioned that he thought about inviting me to give the talk that night, but figured that I would want time to prepare, and so, hadn't asked me. Besides being glad that I wasn't put on the spot, it made me think about what I would have said, if I was in that situation. So, when I was supposed to be praying at the end there, I actually started to think about what I would have done differently in giving my talk... The first thing I would get rid of, thought I, was the overly personal stuff - I mean, maybe a short story, but not the whole thing from the perspective of how the Eucharist has changed my life... Eventually, I noticed that I wasn't praying to God, I was praising myself, and how much better I could talk about the Eucharist (in other words - I was being prideful), and so, I finally got down to praying, and spent a few moments asking God to inspire and transform the next hour that I spent in front of the Blessed Sacrament.
I don't think that I had ever really done that - pray to God that my praying and spending time with Him would be fruitful. I guess, I always just do it my way (pride again...) - I've got my Rosary, and my great book, and my Bible, etc. Don't get me wrong, the Rosary, good spiritual books, and the Bible, are fantastic spiritual things (for lack of better words). But, I was coming at prayer somewhat skewed. I was going into Exposition thinking about how great I was going to pray that evening and not how I was going to let God speak to me. OK, that whole story given, [HA! I just noticed that that entire thing was personal... The very thing that I was critiquing in someone else is exactly what I have just done. I think I have been a bit of a hypocrite...] the next hour was fantastic! I opened myself up to God beforehand, and do you know what happens when you open yourself to God - He fills you.! Yes, I did pray the rosary, and yes all the kids milling around to go to Confession were distracting, but then I began to just talk (and actually listen) to God, and it turned out to be a beautiful experience.
Almost exactly 1 year ago, I can remember going into St. Peter's and begging God to tell me His will. I was struggling to take the step and enter seminary, and I wanted to know what God wanted me to do. I thought I was open to God's will, but I just wanted Him to tell me what that was (preferably through something really obvious - maybe a voice from Heaven or something). Anyway, while praying there in the presence of Jesus Christ, my mind spun through the past year, and just how blessed I have been in seminary. My life has been full of joy, I have grown closer to Christ (though I definitely have a lot of work to do there...), I have learned so much (and forgotten so much...) - It has been better than I could have ever dreamed! 1 year ago I was full of doubt, full of fear, full of a lack of trust in God, and here I was, in the same spot and I was feeling so much happier, more fulfilled, and peaceful.
Why? Totus Tuus. I have begun (key word: begun) to rely on God more and myself less. I know, this totally yours mentality of the phrase Totus Tuus sounds kind of crazy, but if you think about it, God is a lot smarter and better than you (ok, at least me...), so why not trust in Him? Obviously, this is a lot harder in "real life" than to just rationalize it and say "yeah, rely on God - that's cool", but that has to be our goal. There is so much more to write about Totus Tuus, I had plenty more ideas while sitting there in front of the Blessed Sacrament, but this blog post is long enough...
So, Recap:
Kickball is fun!
Personal stories can get other people thinking about their own faith!
Personal stories can get other people thinking about their own faith!
Jesus does wonderful things when you ask Him to!
Trusting in God brings joy!
Totus Tuus is a great motto!
More to come...
I just noticed that my previous blog post also centered on trust in God - I guess it must be important...
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