Thomas Aquinas on Nature/Grace and Faith/Reason (Videos)

Yesterday was the feast of St. Thomas Aquinas (awesome dude!), and so I thought it would be apropos to post some videos on him and his thinking.  The first one, from Taylor Marshall, speaks about Thomas's insight into human nature regarding how grace builds on nature - we're good, but fallen, and grace is what transforms, perfects, and strengthens us.  Yesterday I posted about serving for Pope Francis and how the experience made me realize - you know - the humanness of our Holy Father, and thus that we need to pray for him, and so the video seemed to be especially fitting.  The second one is from Fr. Barron and shows why Thomas's thought still is hugely important today because: (1) he shows that all truth is one - that thus faith and revelation are not only compatible with reason and science, but that they work together, and strengthen each other, (2) his proof of God based on contingency - that things rely on other things for their existence, but that at some point we have to reach some non-contingent, non-created, non-limited "thing" (which is God) or else nothing would exist at all, and (3) Thomas's explanation of us as human - and how that humanity was transformed by the incarnation of Christ, and thus makes Christian humanism, our view of the goodness of man, above that of any secular thinker.  This also goes along with stuff happening in my life - especially the material I'm studying in fundamental theology regarding faith, reason, revelation, the church (and other such important things...), as well as a fascinating conversation I had yesterday with some guys about what Christ would have known  (being both fully human and fully divine), and how that might "work" now that he has a glorified body (a topic that then went into the existence of matter outside of time and quantum states and stuff - it was great, science and faith together!) 

Enjoy!  And keep me in your prayers!
 
Back to paper writing (on modern biblical scholarship: specifically the last 200 years or so of work on understanding the formation of the Pentateuch) and studying (for Fundamental Theology)  It's so cool, I'm studying theology!
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Serving for the Pope - Awesome in More Ways Than Meets the Eye

So, I've come to the conclusion that gazillion-word blog posts are not a good thing (primarily because they take forever for me to write - so I don't often write them - but also because they take a long time to read - and most of you folks don't have an over-abundance of time, so here's a short post about my serving for the Pope this past Christmas).  I'm currently  in the midst of 2-3 weeks of oral finals (the 6 of them are spaced out pretty well - which is nice because there's less stress, but not-so-nice because it means I'm doing finals for 3 weeks...), but since my next one isn't until Friday, I decided to get an update out...
 
Background: a group of guys from Brute were going to be coming to Rome after a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, and so I stuck around here for the first week of Christmas break so that I could show them around and hang out with them while they were here.  Obviously, I wasn't going to miss the chance to spend time with them, and I was also pretty pumped to be able to experience Rome around Christmas and show them around the city that I had been enjoying for the past few months, but those reasons would quickly be over-shadowed by a certain even-more-amazing blessing that was given us...
 
My task, in the months leading up to their trip here, was to line up the things we'd be seeing/doing while they were here, so - besides tours of St. John Lateran's, St. Mary Major, St. Peter's, the Scavi, a trip to Assisi, different walks around Rome to see other churches, and the coliseum, and stuff like that - I also wanted to get them tickets to attend Midnight (actually 9:30 PM) Mass on Christmas at St. Peter's.  So, I contacted the sisters at the Casa Santa Maria (located right next to the Gregorian, it was the NAC before it moved up here on the Janiculum, and these days it's the house of further studies for American priests, and the place where the sisters work to line things up for American pilgrims/tourists in Rome).  Basically, I contacted them to request tickets for the 9 of us seminarians and to check into how Fr. Bob (the rector at Brute) could be able to concelebrate at Christmas Mass.  As it turned out - a couple of weeks later - the sisters were unable to get tickets for us to attend Mass (they didn't get very many this year), but Fr. Bob, who had meanwhile contacted the liturgical folks over at St. Peter's, had gotten a ticket to concelebrate and permission for us seminarians to attend Mass.  The letter, though, was in Italian, and it also - intriguingly - asked that us seminarians show up to St. Peter's the day before for a prova [Italian for "practice" or "meeting"].  I didn't know why we would have to show up for something the day before (it wasn't specific) - surely we weren't serving or something... - but the more I asked around, the more I found that there was no other reason for us to be there the day before unless we were going to be serving. 
 
Practicing before Mass!
So, long story short, we made our way into St. Peter's on the morning of the 24th, found Msgr. Cihak, who we were supposed to meet up with, and - after he asked if we were the group from Indianapolis - he immediately started assigning us different things to do during the Mass.  I was picked for carrying the 7th candle (indicating the presence of a bishop - in this case the pope), to hold the microphone for the deacon (prayers of the faithful, "the Mass is ended, go in peace", etc.) and to wash Pope Francis's hands during the offertory.  We were all looking at each other like - wait, so we're serving for the Pope! - and sure enough, we were!  We then had a practice to run through everything we'd be doing that evening (all the MC's made it super easy, literally, you just waited at your spot until they came and got you for your next task), and then we were asked to show back up that evening early enough to run through everything again, oh, and so we could meet, and help vest, the Pope before Mass!  Needless to say, we were on cloud nine for the rest of the day! 
 
 

Waiting for His Holiness!
We arrived back at St. Peter's around 8 PM, had our practice, and then spent 30 minutes anxiously in the chapel of the Pieta (which I hadn't ever seen anybody inside of, it is all behind glass) for the Pope to arrive.  20 minutes until Mass, in walked the Vicar of Christ, and moments later he was walking around greeting us and shaking our hands!  What a moment!  Looking back, even after a month, I can't quite wrap my mind around it.  It wasn't just a cool moment because I got to greet the pope - you know, he's pretty famous, the head of the Church, directly connected with St. Peter, and Christ's chosen vicar here on earth - gosh, it was so much more than that.  But, so much more amazing to me than that, was the realization that Pope Francis is a human being like the rest of us.  Maybe that should be obvious - ok, it definitely should - and don't get me wrong - he's definitely been given a position, and a responsibility, way beyond mine, and I'd guess most of yours...  But, as I shook his hand and looked into his eyes I saw a man that was excited to celebrate Christmas, and tired from a long day in a hard "job", and happy to see us serving for him, and - in so many ways - a person a lot like myself.  I don't want to underplay his role in the Church by any means, but it was such an eye-opening experience to realize that he's not just a person that shows up on TV, or gives an angelus address each week, or writes encyclicals that I try to read.  He's a person with strengths and weaknesses, joys and sorrows, favorite
foods, and books, and hobbies... 

 
 
A couple months back we had the opportunity to go on a tour of the Swiss Guards' barracks, and the guard giving us a tour mentioned that from time to time he got to be stationed outside of Pope Francis's apartment, and so he got to know the Pope fairly well, including the fact that he really liked candy but had been told by his doctors that he'd have to cut back on sweets for health reasons.  At the time I chuckled with everybody else, but that little detail didn't actually sink in until I had the chance to meet the pope and serve for him.  Seeing him - up close - during that Mass reminded me again and again that he's a man like the rest of us -  and weak like the rest of us.  Yet, he's been given a responsibility - to feed Christ's flock - that's absolutely tremendous.  Basically, I saw that he wasn't some sort of super-human character, but he still has a super-human job to do!  He didn't look invincible, or for that matter terribly weak, he just looked really normal!  What I realized during that Mass was that - above all else - he needs our prayers!  How quick we are to complain about Pope Francis - he's too vague, he's too critical, he's too liberal, he's too conservative, whatever - but how often we forget to pray for him: for his health, and strength, and holiness! 
 
So yeah, it was an amazing experience to be able to serve for the Pope!  I was thrilled while I was doing it, it'll probably be one of my top-10 experiences for the rest of my life, and it's bound to make good homily material one day (God willing).  But, as so often is the case, there's so much more to each experience than meets the eye!  This is why I love blogging about these things, it makes me reflect back on them and see the deeper meaning.  Serving for Pope Francis means serving him in so many more ways than just holding a candle and pouring water over his hands!  It means serving along-side of him in the Church, in praying for him and for the Church that he is leading, and I am also a part of. 
 

Yeah, so it was incredible, and eye-opening, and inspiring, and profound, and awesome!
 
Sorry, they did take pictures of the actual meeting with the Pope (and Mass afterwards), but I haven't bought them, so I can't put them  up here, yet...
 
 
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March for Life (Video)





Obviously, I wasn't able to be at the March for Life this year (currently studying for finals actually), but I sure wish I could have been there! To everybody who went - thank you! - and to everybody else, do something else to protect the unborn (and show love to those who are tempted not to protect them)!
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Leaving Behind Nets - St. Therese's Little Way


Today during my Holy Hour (actually it was more like a Holy 40-Minutes) I was contemplating the passage after the miraculous catch of fish when it says that "When they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him." [Luke 5:11]  I was considering what things in my life that Our Lord was asking that I leave behind - maybe less going out to eat, or less reading during Holy Hours (more meditating), or that extra sleep I took this morning, or spending more time studying, etc.  Basically, I was scrolling through all the things that I saw myself as less-than-stellar in, and I was contemplating how I could offer those things up - letting go whatever was keeping me from following Jesus in those areas.  Obviously, this isn't a bad thing to do, but, in the midst of that thought I found that many of the things I was thinking needed fixing/repenting were centered on time.  Time studying, time praying, times going out to eat, time sleeping, etc.  And I immediately realized that Our Lord was asking for my time, for my quality time.  This - thought I - was a bit harder to offer up.  When you give God your time it means you don't leave anything out, it means that every moment is meant to be offered up, left behind, placed in His hands. It means that you can't just "worry" about certain areas of life that you want - or don't want - to work on; instead, you have to take every moment, see it as God's will that you're in such-and-such a situation, and do your best for Him.  

When I'm in class - tired, bored, not getting it - that isn't the time to say "Lord, I offer my life up to you."  This sounds great, but it doesn't necessarily have practical consequences right then.  However, if during that class I realize I'm not giving it my all, I need to immediately say "Lord, I give You this moment, this struggle, this temptation to drift off, this cross" and push myself to focus.  When I'm sitting on the computer and feel the temptation to spend a couple minutes on Facebook (or whatever), instead of writing that paper, I should immediately pray: "Lord, save me, I'm sinking!" and give those hours to Him.  Hours later, when I've finished what I needed to do and want to check Facebook, that time too I should give to God - allowing Him to sanctify my interactions with others and giving me the grace to spend a correct amount of time online.

Time is one of our most precious possessions, it's the last thing we want to give up, but it is completely a gift from God!  As I was considering the challenge of giving it all back to God - each and every little moment - I wondered [ever keeping in mind my own selfish interests...] "what do I get from giving this all to You?"  The answer was immediate: "Everything"  When we go "all in", placing all our chips - all our time - on the table - into doing God's will, He repays back 100-fold.  God goes "all in" along with us, not only making up for our feeble attempts with His grace (grace builds on nature!), but rewarding us with His eternal life, and love, and strength, and grace, and eternity, and victory over sin, and His very self.  

Recently - having gone to Lisieux over Christmas break - I have been reading The Story of a Soul by St. Therese of the Child Jesus, and this idea of surrendering all our moments is  a big part of her "little way".  Often her writings are somewhat trivialized and we think that this strategy for holiness is soft, or easy, or cute, or simplistic.  Nope!  The "little way" means humbly recognizing that our own efforts are ridiculously tiny, unimportant, even broken, compared to God (hence the "little"), but that despite this, He, in His immense love, still wants us to give those efforts to Him and allow Him to fill those moments - of work, of suffering, of temptations - with His love and grace (that would be the "way").  Certainly, that realization - that Holy Hour when you think that it'd be a good idea to offer every moment up to God (me this afternoon) - is easy, but reality hits pretty quickly once you try to live it out!  For example, this evening my voice wasn't very strong - for whatever reason - so choir practice was quite the challenge.  Am I willing to stay cheerful, keep trying, and patiently offer up that nth time we repeat a particularly challenging piece of music - seeing it all as God's will and giving it my best go?  Another example: my computer died a couple months ago and being the cheapskate that I am, I haven't bought a new one yet.  So, when guys come loudly-chatting into the computer room where I'm trying to work with one of the NAC computers, or when the printer jams, again, or when the computer can't seem to handle a few browser tabs open at the same time, or when I'm not getting anywhere on that paper.  In that struggle am I willing to surrender the minute, and hour, and afternoon, to God and greet those guys with a smile, fix the printer for everybody else, say a prayer while waiting for the computer to get going, and joyfully keep plugging along on that paper?  What about when I feel like I'm coming down with a cold (or worse?) and dread getting up early tomorrow, going to class, and soccer practice?  Can I offer those moments up too?  Can I offer up the idea of feeling even worse tomorrow?  Can I allow Jesus to see my poor fishing abilities, realizing that if I follow Him, He can multiply my catch?  Theresa's little way might be succinct and beautiful, but it isn't easy!

Thankfully, and this is the last thing, God offers us the graces we need in order to faithfully follow Him, to offer everything up to Him.  He became man to show us the way, to - quite literally - struggle with all the same things that we do (well, maybe not slow computers).  When you're struggling, look to Him, ask for His help!  He is infinitely generous not only to those saints who successfully did His will, but also to us less-saintly folks down here struggling to even get up in the morning!  Trust Him, love Him, and throw yourself into whatever task is at hand for His glory!
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A Year in Review, a Year of Blessings (2014 was Awesome!)


Oftentimes around Christmas time people send out letters to their family and friends about what they've been up to that year.  It's a good way to update everybody in a personal - but mass-produced - way as to how you are doing and, you know, the cool stuff that has happened in your life since the letter last year.  Well, this, I guess, is a bit like that.  However, I was thinking about doing the usual "year in review" but it didn't seem like the best kind of thing to talk about while contemplating Christmas. You know, here we are preparing for, and celebrating, the entrance of Our Lord into the world to save, redeem, and adopt us, but I'm instead going to spend the entire letter talking about myself, the things I've been up to, or gotten to see/do/experience/eat/enjoy, etc. - it just doesn't seem like the focus is on the right place.  But, at the same time, I know that many of you are interested in what I've been up to - especially in the transition over here to Rome - so, sticking with the tried and true answer of "D - all of the above" (in the Catholic theology/philosophy world, we use the term "both/and".), I think I'll write both about what I've been doing and how that has been such an incredible blessing from God.  Basically, I've begun to see all these amazing experiences in terms of Divine Providence, as blessings given by God to show me his love and bring me to Himself.  It's an amazing way to see things because not only does it open your (my) eyes to see God's incredible love and generosity, but it also shows Him working in my life, in forming me, guiding me, and opening me to Himself.  This reflecting back is part of the process of knowing oneself, it's super important in seminary and for the priest-in-training (as well as pretty much everybody else), but more than that, it just gives me a bigger picture than the nose-to-the-ground view that I usually have which is either "I can't wait to do X!" or "Ugh, I have so much to do today".  So, starting at the very beginning (it's a very good place to start!), here's the year that I've been blessed with!



The year began - after a wonderful Christmas break spent with family, filled with fun, and the excitement/trepidation of applying to the North American College - with a return to Bishop Brute College Seminary for my last semester of college seminary.  As during my entire time there, I felt extremely blessed to be back with the daily schedule of prayer and Mass and formation, the 40 or so other guys, my last set of "under-grad" classes.  



Adoration in the Chapel at Bishop Brute
First: Prayer and Formation.  Those few months, as in previous semesters, were marked - day after day - by the incredible blessing of consistent, frequent, and intense prayer.  From a purely human point of view, waking up at 5:45 every day to go to Mass and pray Morning Prayer in common with the other seminarians, spending 20 minutes saying the rosary between classes, coming back together for Evening Prayer, and then doing another hour of prayer before going to bed seems crazy.  Literally, as a seminarian, you spend at least 2 hours in the chapel every day!  But those hours were by far the best of each day!  Was I always attentive? - Nope.  Was I always consoled by some sort of overwhelming peace and joy? - Nope.  Were they productive? - Nope, not really.  But, moment after moment, day after day, week after week; all that time spent being with God, offering Him my failures, and joys, and gradually learning to trust, and love, and obey, from Our Lord Himself, is absolutely transformative!  I started to crave the times when I could drop to my knees and gaze at Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and re-commit myself to following Him.  Don't get me wrong, seminary is amazing (it's not all offering things up...), but much of that awesomeness comes from seeing everything - easy and hard, fun and not-so-much, exciting and boring - with the eyes of faith, from God's perspective, seeing everything as a blessing, everything as a gift, and that only happens by constantly being with Him and listening to Him.  The seminary schedule is intense, it's busy, it's tough, but it's also an amazing chance to grow in love for God, and the love of God - when you're open to it - is pretty amazing!  Formation, briefly, was also very good.  Brute has been blessed with great priests, who consistently inspired us to that growth, and conversion, and openness to God that not only is integral to discerning and following one's vocation, but also has become for me such a source of peace and joy.



After running the Race For Vocations Half-Marathon
Second: All those other guys.  I really can't emphasize how great all the other men were at Brute.  I got to know all of them so well (there was only 40-something of us), and we had an absolute blast together.  Exercising, not my favorite activity, was a ton more fun when you had other guys to do it with - even when it was 25 degrees outside and you had to go on that 5 mile run.  Plus, at the end of the semester, having endured all those early morning runs with a couple of guys, I again ran in the Indianapolis half-marathon!  Not only was it a blessing to have those other guys pushing and encouraging me, and being able to crush my goal of 100 minutes, but during those runs I was given a great opportunity to grow in the virtue of perseverance.  One of the best motivators to keep the pace up (or just keep the legs moving) after 10 or 12 miles of pounding the pavement, I found, was to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet.  Music-listening is great, but there's nothing quite like praying "Eternal Father ... increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair ... but, with great confidence, submit ourselves to Your most holy will, which is love and mercy itself."  It's hard to complain about that last hill - or stop to walk - when you are thinking about the hill of Golgotha that Our Lord climbed for our sake!   Playing other sports (football, frisbee, soccer, racquet-ball, hockey, ping-pong) was - no sacrifices necessary - always a great time, as was the time when we went out to eat or cooked something together.  Not only were these times of fun games or good food, but, more importantly, they were times of growing in fraternity, generosity, and joy.  One of the many such fun times was my 21st birthday that I celebrated with a bunch of other guys at the end of the semester (finishing up while still 20!).  Basically, pretty much everything - studying, watching movies, meandering through Indianapolis, doing yard work, waiting in line at Subway, carpooling, making breakfast, getting ice-cream, etc. - was legitimately fun, even when otherwise it wouldn't have been!   They were (and are) a great group of guys, and I was abundantly blessed to have spent a year or two learning, growing, and having fun with them!



Third: Classes.  It was about as challenging a semester as they come, with 19 credit hours total and 12 in philosophy, but intellectually, it turned out fantastic!  God and Philosophy class: yep, it involved a huge paper at the end, immense amounts of deep, tough, reading for each class, and the tests were terrifying, but I was learning to use my rational/intellectual/mental capacity to realize things about God, and fall in love with Him all the more - how do you beat that?  Much the same can be said about my other classes (Logic, Modern/Contemporary Philosophy, Catholic Schools, New Testament, Philosophical Themes in Catholic Authors, and Abnormal Psychology); they weren't always exciting, none were easy, I had the usual assortment of long-papers, tricky quizzes, nerve-wracking presentations, and exams on top of exams, and it was a constant challenge to stay on top of everything, but despite the difficulty, I learned a ton, had a great time studying/learning with the other seminarians, and was able to - better than ever before - make that all-important connection between growing in human knowledge and growing closer to Our Lord, not only because He is the source of truth (Truth itself), and not only because it was Him that blessed me with a productive, successful, and intellectually-awesome semester, but also because in the midst of those late nights, and stressful cramming sessions, and tough days, I grew to trust Him more and approached a bit more to Him on the cross.  



God will not be out-done in generosity!  Perhaps more than anything, my last semester at Brute taught me this truth!  Give God a little - a couple more minutes of prayer when you're really busy, that last mile of your run when you're beat, remaining positive when that professor drops another impossible quiz on you - and, boom!, He will not only shower blessings in the sense of stuff that you'd like (time for enjoying yourself, great friends, a diploma), but also those things that you didn't see coming (joy in prayer, growth in generosity, understanding).  



Vacation with the Family in Washington State
Moving along here...  The summer was busy, and amazing.  I had been accepted in April to come to the North American College to begin my studies in theology, so after getting everything moved out of Brute and back home, I began the process of starting to get things ready for my move over to Italy in July.  Originally, looking at the calendar, I thought I'd have plenty of free time, but after serving for the ordination, and one of the first Masses, of the new priests for our diocese (both amazing and inspirational experiences!), going back and forth to Chicago to apply for my study-visa (which I got!), enjoying a family vacation to Washington (sometimes-peaceful, sometimes-exhilarating, always-wonderful), going skydiving with a couple of other Brute guys (by my standards, crazy, but ... yeah ... crazy), helping lead a vocation retreat/camp at Brute (which re-inspired my own vocation with all those enthusiastic young men, powerful moments of prayer, and phenomenal talks), and having the requisite going-away BBQ with friends and family, I didn't have much time left.  All those things certainly were fun, but at the same time they were the mile-stones marking my eventual departure to Rome, again, an exciting proposition, but at the same time one that filled me with dismay at the thought of leaving behind everything and everyone that I knew and loved.  But, looking back, once again I am reminded of God's providence throughout the entire time - everything came together correctly, I had many great times with my family and friends who I had to say goodby to, and - on an even deeper level - God was able to bring myself to trusting Him a bit more and giving myself a bit more freely to His will.  (I'm not perfect, by any means, but it's so cool to see God - patiently, lovingly, generously - drawing me, through all these things, bit-by-bit closer to Himself).



The View of Rome that I'm blessed with here at the NAC
And then the big moment came.  I gave my family one last hug, and stepped into the TSA line in St. Louis.  Several hours later I was at my terminal in Newark, meeting many of the men from around the country who I'd be spending the next several years with.  Then, a long flight and short bus ride later, I was in Rome and moving into the North American College.  It's a large complex - housing 250 seminarians and a couple dozen priests - and is the place where we pray (in one of a 4, soon to be 5, chapels), eat (in the large refectory or sometimes in the student-kitchen/roof-top terrace), sleep (everybody has a small room of their own, mine is on the 4th floor), hang out (each hall has a lounge, and there is also a larger tv-room, auditorium, and public game room as well), play sports (we have a large, turf, field, as well as basketball and tennis courts), and have formation conferences and other assorted meetings (in the assortment of classrooms that we have here).  Pretty much, we do everything-seminary related here, except for classes (more on that later).


The Holy Stairs
So, that first week was "pre-orientation".  In other words, it was all about getting us to know each other (both my own class-mates as well as the 2nd year men who were running the week), the NAC itself (expectations, ground rules, where things are, what the daily life is like...), and Rome (I usually woke up pretty early and just wandered around the city for a bit, but we also had multiple, awesome, excursions to the different major sites/churches/places around the city.)  It was a magnificent week!  Of course, though, the best blessings wasn't the food, or the fun we had, or the excitement of being and seeing Rome, but instead the supernatural ones.  All those churches were most amazing not because of their history, or significance, or grandeur, but because they were meant to, and quite good at, lifting the mind and heart to God.  The beautiful art and architecture, all interconnected in relating the story of God's salvific plan for humanity, constantly - despite my exhaustion from jet-lag and the intense schedule - reminded me of Him, and the opportunity to pray and attend Mass in such close proximity to the many saints who walked these same streets, and in the churches that so many pilgrims have visited for centuries, was incredible! 



Sienna!
Next up was two months of Italian studies.  The first month I spent in Assisi with about half of my class (20-something out of the almost 50 of us).  Each day began with 4 hours of classes, then lunch, then 2 more hours of class, and then we were free.  I'll be honest, learning Italian was (and still is) hard.  The 6 hours a day was particularly brutal, but gradually - piano, piano as they say - I began to memorize the basic vocabulary and get quicker at being able to utilize it.  During the month I also had the chance to explore the town of Assisi (beautiful basilicas, quaint little streets, good gelato, and multiple concerts and processions on feast days) and the surrounding areas and towns (more beautiful churches, gorgeous vistas over the Umbrian countryside), and, perhaps the most impressive, the palio (an incredible horse race) in Siena.  Thus, it was a fun couple weeks of experiencing Italian culture, all while getting to know the other guys who were with me and struggling together to learn the language.  After that first month we all returned to Rome where we had a couple weeks of orientation (basically, we were slowly introduced to the daily-schedule of life as well as some of the commitments that we have in seminary - formation, spiritual direction, (for me) choir, meals in common, prayer in common, etc.)  At the same time, we continued to take Italian classes, this time only 4 hours a day, and I finally began to see myself making some progress.  It never fell into my head as easily or quickly as I would have liked, but gradually I was more and more capable of carrying on a basic conversation, and, near the end of our classes, I managed to pass the Italian-comprehension exam to begin classes at the Gregorian! (Huge relief there!)  Pretty much, it was another exciting and blessed time.  The challenge of Italian bought us together as a class - and taught me patience and humility - as did the more enjoyable moments of exploring things over here - which were a learning experience as well.


Hiking Mt. Subasio on our first Fraternal Weekend (after Orientation)
There were two weeks between the end of Italian classes and the beginning of theology classes - the first a class-retreat in a little town called Greccio (near Assisi, actually).  It was my first week-long retreat, and it was my first silent retreat.  I thought it would be difficult, or at least uncomfortable - my plan was to enjoy the talks and extra time in prayer, but to spend a lot of the time hiking around the mountains in that area.  However, God had other plans.  From the first moment that I arrived, I was struck with an incredible - surely divine - peace and joy at being there.  The talks, and beautiful, powerful hours of prayer, left me, more than all the basilicas in Rome, in awe of the generosity, love, and benevolence of our God.  He becomes one of us, a little child, to give Himself to us not only then - in the manger, in His words, on the cross - but also now - in the Sacraments, in His abundant blessings, in His word.  It was all facts that I already knew, but that week they went from my mind to my heart, they weren't just facts, I felt God's love just filling and transforming me.  All those struggles of the past couple months, and those that I could see coming up, were nothing when I realized just how much God was willing to love, to help, to sustain me through them.  Following His plan isn't - I finally realized - so much about gritting your teeth and trying your best, it's about surrendering to Him not only to the extent of being willing to obey, but to the much more difficult, yet much more amazing, extent of offering back to Him all the struggles, and joys, the stressful moments and the amazing ones - He wants to transform them, to enter again into our lives, but - as at Bethlehem - He doesn't force Himself in.  


The Other Guys on My Hallway

And that, is the conclusion that all of this past year has left me with.  The ordination of deacons in St. Peter's Basilica the next week was an inspiration for my own vocation, and a fun week just in general (crazy fact: God willing, I'll be ordained a deacon in St. Peter's in 3 short years)!  My trip with some guys to the Eastern coast of Italy (we saw the shrine of St. Padre Pio, a cave where St. Michael appeared 1500 years ago, and the Eucharistic miracle of Lanciano, where the host became Christ's flesh during Mass, and has lasted until today) was a great final hurrah before classes started up, and another amazing spiritual experience.  The semester of classes - tough because of the Italian, cool because of the stuff we are learning (about Christ, the Church, Tradition, Faith, Hebrew, the Trinity, etc.) - has flown by and now I am beginning to prepare for exams in January/February.  The NAC has continued to be a phenomenal place to live - great other young men who are consistently kind, inviting, and tons of fun to be around, constant events and other enjoyable things to do each day (banquets, sports, bible-studies, skits, movies, and so much more), fantastic priests who have continuously amazed me with their insights in the spiritual life and their generosity to us seminarians, and so many other things!  The ability to go back to Alabama for my sister’s temporary profession stands out among everything else as another incredible blessing.  But there are so many other things that have also been amazing: a trip down to the Amalfi coast (where we saw some beautiful view of the Mediterranean as well as the tombs of St. Andrew, Matthew, Benedict, and Scholastica), winning the spaghetti bowl (NAC new men vs. NAC old men),  All of these things, everything that has happened over the past year, I have - especially during this season surrounding Christmas - realized were completely gifts from God.  Even that realization is His gift!  But, beyond all those things - a great experience at Brute, the chance to study here in Rome, good friends, fun times, a supportive and loving family, living 5 minutes from the Pope - God's gift of Himself to me each and every day - in those blessings, but even more profoundly in the incarnation, the Eucharist, moments of prayer, the scriptures, and even my theological studies - is the greatest gift of all.  



An Audience with Pope Francis
Christmas is a time when we give and receive gifts.  I hope and pray that your Christmas may be a chance to realize the gift that Our Lord gives to you - not only at this time, but all the time, both naturally and spiritually.  Don't think I'm perfect at this, at realizing God's many blessings and thanking Him for them, but I hope that my keeping them in mind while looking back at the year will help you to do the same!  Merry Christmas!

 A couple of big things have happened since I finished writing this post, namely, I served Christmas Mass for Pope Francis, and I took a trip to France, so, both of those will have to be given a post (or two) or their own!  Thus, consider this a "year" in review, that is missing the last 5 days or so...


The Nativity Scene going up at St. Peter's
sorry, I know it's now after Christmas, but it's the picture I have at the moment.
More to come!
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Advent - Letting God Come to Us

Welcome to Advent (a couple of weeks late)!  Here at the NAC we just had our annual Christmas party (basically, a fun meal - accompanied by the 3rd year guys providing music and cookies followed by a free-night in the lounge - think ice-cream, beer, and some of the guys composing a band, all surrounded by the completion of all the Christmas decorations around the NAC - think lights, and snowmen, and banners, and guys-dressed-up-as-elves all over the place).  However, despite all these festivities, and entering the last week of classes before break, and seeing lights and trees going up all over the eternal city, we are still in Advent, and that is a good thing! 

Here's why:  Advent is meant to be a time when we get prepared for the coming of Christ.  Obvious right?  Well, St. Bernard reminds us that this isn't as obvious, or as easy, as we'd think. 
"there are three comings of the Lord.  The third lies between the other two.  It is invisible, while the other two are visible.  In the first coming he was seen on earth, dwelling among men; he himself testifies that they saw him and hated him.  In the final coming all flesh will see the salvation of our God, and they will look on him whom they pierced.  The intermediate coming is a hidden one; in it only the elect see the Lord within their own selves, and they are saved.  In his first coming our Lord came in our flesh and in our weakness; in this middle coming he comes in spirit and in power; in the final coming he will be seen in glory and majesty." 
The Church divides the liturgy of Advent into two halves: the first 2 or so weeks of Advent emphasizing, in the readings at Mass and Liturgy of the Hours, the second coming of Christ (at the end of time, to judge the world) and the last 2 weeks of Advent emphasize the first coming of Christ (in the Incarnation, to save the world).  However, while these are incredibly important things to meditate on - God becoming man, yep, pretty world-changing; the end of the universe, again, pretty big deal - often in celebrating Christ's coming 2000 years ago, or getting excited about His coming in the future, we forget that He wants to enter our hearts and lives every day, right now.  Bernard continues:
"Listen to what our Lord himself says: If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him. There is another passage of Scripture which reads: He who fears God will do good, but something further has been said about the one who loves, that is, that he will keep God's word.  Where is God's word to be kept?  Obviously in the heart, as the prophet says: I have hidden your words in my heart, so that I may not sin against you.  Keep God's word in this way.  Let it enter into your very being, let it take possession of your desires and your whole way of life ... If you keep the word of God in this way, it will also keep you.  The Son with the Father will come to you." 
So, our goal this Advent has to be to truly prepare ourselves for Christ's coming - not only by considering the Incarnation, recognizing the incredible love that Jesus humbly shows us at Bethlehem, and not only in making sure we'll be ready when Christ comes in glory - but even more immediately, in being ready for Him to enter our hearts now, at this moment, in the Eucharist, in the Scriptures, in those we meet. 
I was listening to a homily by Fr. Michael Schmitz and he recounted how he had been struck by a quote which read something like "do I desire to love God as much as He can be loved?"  That's a question that we all need to ask ourselves (and I've been asking myself these last few weeks).  Do I desire, do I strive, do I pray, to have the grace, strength, conversion-of-heart, fervor, and everything else, to love God, as much as He can be loved.  The fact is that we are created to love God, and only in loving Him will we find true fulfillment.  No amount of Christmas cookies, the latest technological gizmo, going out to eat, watching movies, plush cars, honors, or even friends will fill our hearts because they have been created for something more, for something infinite, for someone (God) to fill.
Our Lady of Humility, Pray for Us!
However, here we can fall into another trap: trying to fill ourselves with God.  It's tempting to think that if we pray enough, or read enough theology, or kneel stoically enough, or fast arduously enough, that we will turn ourselves into saints and - boom - live happily ever after (with God dwelling within us).  The problem: praying, studying, kneeling, and fasting aren't any good if we're doing them out of our own pride (thinking ourselves better than others, or thinking that we're now deserving of God).  Sanctity, holiness, grace, divine-love, Christ dwelling within us - it's all a complete gift of God.  We can't deserve it; we can't earn it; we can't "steal" it.  We can only accept it.
I am a "doer", I'm that guy that thinks that if I fit in another holy hour, or pray that extra devotion, or read some extra book, or make another sacrifice, then I'm making myself a saint, but while all those things are great, they aren't the most important.  Martha was a doer, she was, I'm sure, running around making a delicious meal for Jesus, but Mary, who isn't doing anything, just sitting at Our Lord's feet, is the one who has chosen the "better part".  Samuel, in the Old Testament, gives us an example as well, responding to God, "speak, Lord, your servant is listening".  We, this Advent, need to have this mentality.  Before we start doing something, we need to  allow Christ to do the doing within us.  We can't fill ourselves with His love, only He can.  Certainly, we must be attentive, we must be listening, but - above all else - we must simply be open to God, and not filled with our own desires, plans, goals, or ideas.  St. Bernard has this in mind when he exhorts us to "let [God] take possession of your desires and your whole way of life".  Our job isn't  so much to go bulldozing through our life, making room for Christ, how we think we should, but instead we should simply surrender to His will, in each and every moment, and allow Him to make room within us for His love. 
Some days things don't happen the way we want them too - so many times I get to the end of the day and I think "gosh, I didn't get as much done as I wanted to today".  But this is my own idea of a productive day, God simply wants me to get to the end of the day and ask if I loved God as much as I could that day.  He doesn't ask for efficiency, but charity, not production, but love.  Blessed Mother Theresa was quoted saying "do little things with great love".  It's a quote we've all heard before, but do we follow it?  Are we willing to be so humble as to accept whatever God - in His providence - has planned for us today, and simply trust that He will give us the grace necessary to do it in the loving way that He wants.  Are we willing to surrender to such an extent that we allow Christ to come to us, and not try to force our way to Him? 

In His coming at Bethlehem Christ emphasizes humility.  In His middle coming into our heart - whether through sacrament, scripture, or neighbor - He also emphasizes humility.  Christ humbles Himself completely in order to come with us, are we willing to stoop low enough to enter that stable with Him - to leave behind our own ideas, plans, or whatever, and simply kneel there in His presence?  Are we willing to be like Joseph, silent before the Christ child, simply gazing upon God's incarnate love?  Are we willing to be like Mary, staying the night in a stable because nobody else cared?  Are we willing to round up our sheep, tossing out our own plans, like the shepherds, and tromp into Bethlehem to bow before our infant king?  Are we willing to pack up our treasures and sit on a camel for a month, to just catch a glimpse of Jesus?  All the figures we see didn't really do something to earn God's coming to them, they were just ready to obey when God announced it to them.  We too, during this advent, aren't so much called to do something, as we are called to willing do whatever God places before us. 
For me, that means studying Hebrew (one of my classes this semester) - not exactly my favorite past-time - is more important than doing something different where I think I will encounter God.  Praying the Office - even when I think it gets repetitive, or boring, or tiring - is a better prayer than whatever devotion resonates with me this week.  You get the picture, following God's plan is more important that following our own plan.  Why?  Because God can only enter the humble heart.  The heart filled with its own plans, ideas, or pseudo-holiness, doesn't have any room for God.  Advent isn't for replacing our old attachments with new, better, ones, it's for emptying our hearts of our own attachments completely and letting God fill us.  Back to the analogy of listening: we aren't supposed to start pumping new, better, music through our ears, but to stop filling our ears with any noise and just allow God to speak. 
Is this hard?  You better believe it!  Stepping back, accepting everything as an opportunity to follow God's will, listening, surrendering - all these things mean coming out of ourselves and dying to self.  You have no idea (ok, maybe some of you do) how hard it is for me to kneel there during a holy hour and not pick up a book to read.  I want to do something, I feel like I am so distracted when I'm just there, doing nothing, in the presence of God.  But God so often comes quietly, humbly, simply.  2000 years ago, God came - not as a mighty, world-conquering, evil-pulverizing, divine king - but as a child, a weak, helpless, approachable, little baby.  And, today, He enters our hearts in the same way - in silence, in stillness, tenderly knocking and asking if He can enter. 
Do you desire to love God as much as He can possibly be loved?  That's the question this post began with, and hopefully that is the question that it ends with.  Christ comes to bring us love, to unite us with God, to restore us to the original union He had planned for us since the beginning.  Advent is a time of preparation, not in the sense of packing up our stuff and asking God where He wants to send us, but in leaving our stuff behind and watching Our Lord, to follow the path He takes before us - the path of humility, love, and obedience.  May we pray, with Our Lady, that God's will be done, in us, according to His word - not expecting, or predicting, or presuming, what God wants us to do, but allowing His will to unfold before us and accepting whatever it might be with His gratitude, enthusiasm, joy, and love.  Not filling ourselves with our own love - whatever that might mean - but simply remaining open to God filling us with His love, and stretching us to hold more of His love, throughout every day.  Not doing something to try and bring Christ to us, but just being ready to receive Him when He comes.
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