Showing posts with label In God We Trust. Show all posts

Hope Springs Eternal (literally)

I have a summarized recap at the end, if this wall-of-text is too much for your little bit of free time (or limited attention span)...  :-D

Last week, on Tuesday, most of the guys at Brute (including myself), went over the St. Nicholas Catholic Church in Sunman, IN, to attend the funeral for a younger brother of one of the guys who had tragically died a few days before.  We had received word about a week before, right after the senior tribute night, and had all gone up to the chapel and prayed a divine mercy chaplet for the young man who had passed away, as well as for Joe and his family.  The funeral - like that somber night - was also a powerful moment, showing the fraternity and concern present among all of us at Brute.  It was the middle of finals week but just about every guy figured out a way to reschedule his finals for that day and cut time out of studying or sleeping in order to ride the hour and a half to be present for the funeral. 

But, that is not what this post will be about (though it could be).  What I want to talk about is what Fr. Shaun Widdington spoke on in his homily.  The Gospel was about the death of Lazarus and how Jesus waited 3 days before coming to Bethany and raising Lazarus from the dead.  Father spoke on how often-times in the midst of loss, or pain, or suffering (of all kinds, but especially the poignant suffering that accompanies the death of someone we love) we feel like Jesus isn't there, or we don't understand why such-and-such a loss has befallen us, or we think that there is no purpose for this suffering.  As Father explained it, often-times in this life we find ourselves on Holy Saturday.  We often live through excruciatingly painful moments, our own Good Friday's, but we are unable to find hope, or purpose, or God, in that moment.  And then Father said something profound (for me), he said that Jesus Christ is our hope, in His resurrection we find the promise of our own resurrection, in his coming back to life we find God's promise to those who love Him of eternal life.  This wasn't profound because I didn't know it, rather, it deeply impacted me because it reminded me that our hope must be in God, in eternity.  Often I want to figure out how suffering in this life can be transformed, and thus eliminated, and surely that is a possibility - the cross is our standard of victory precisely because through the cross Jesus conquered sin and death and ransomed us so that we can become sons/daughters of God - but sometimes suffering doesn't seem to have a point, oftentimes we can't see how God can bring good out of suffering.  Father, in his homily, reminded me that as humans we often can't find the good in a particular event - we can't see how the untimely, unexpected death of a young man can possibly fit into God's plan or how He could possibly bring good out of it.  Our sight is limited, even when we look at the cross and see how God brought good out of it, we glance back at our own lives and still feel lost, forgotten, even abandoned.  Father reminded me (and I needed that reminder) that our hope must - in the end - rest in heaven.  Sometimes we will never understand why some suffering, or some difficulty, or some loss has happened to us, at least not until heaven.

Why is this?  Why do we sometimes find ourselves in the darkness of suffering and can't feel the light of Christ?  Well, this morning in the office of readings I was confronted with precisely that question.  The first psalm (Psalm 44) talks of trusting in God:
It was you who saved us from our foes, it was you who put our foes to shame. All day long our boast was in God, and we praised your name without ceasing.
But then in the second psalm the psalmist finds himself lost, seemingly abandoned by God:
Yet now you have rejected us, disgraced us: you no longer go forth with our armies. You make us retreat from the foe and our enemies plunder us at will. You make us like sheep for the slaughter and scatter us among the nations. 
And in the 3rd psalm his confusion grows worse because he have been faithful, he hasn't forgotten God, yet he feels crushed beneath the oppression, suffering, and death experienced in this world:

This befell us though we had not forgotten you; though we had not been false to your covenant, though we had not withdrawn our hearts; though our feet had not strayed from your path. Yet you have crushed us in a place of sorrows and covered us with the shadow of death. Had we forgotten the name of our God or stretched out our hands to another god[.] Would not God have found this out, he who knows the secrets of the heart? It is for you that we face death all day long and are counted as sheep for the slaughter. Awake, O Lord, why do you sleep? Arise, do not reject us for ever! Why do you hide your face and forget our oppression and misery? For we are brought down low to the dust; our body lies prostrate on the earth. Stand up and come to our help! Redeem us because of your love!
Sometimes we feel the same way.  Life is going along smoothly, our relationship with God is alive and well, we are progressing in virtue, filled with His joy, and then something terrible, painful, or difficult happens and we feel like we've lost contact with God, we can no longer see His plan in the midst of the suffering that has afflicted us, or worse, we feel abandoned or forgotten by God.  

As I was reading these psalms, my mind went back to the homily that Father gave at the funeral, and how he ended with the difficult truth that true happiness is only found in the next life.  Sometimes we can't understand suffering.  Sometimes things do look hopeless, but Christ calls us to continue hoping in Him.  Sometimes we are stuck on Holy Saturday for a long time, sometimes the tomb looks sealed, and no matter what we do we just can't figure out where God's plan is at.  This is the problem of evil, the question that we have of how God - if He is good - can allow bad things to happen to us.  We can philosophically say that evil exists because of free will - we bring it upon ourselves.  We can theologically say that God loves us so much that He was willing to give us free will - knowing that we would sin, bringing that suffering upon ourselves - and suffer and die to bring us back to Himself.  We can spiritually say that suffering comes from our lack of love of God - of choosing something else over Him, which will never fill the need we have for God, and thus, we experience pain.  But sometimes those explanations don't seem to cut it.  Sometimes we can't figure out why a certain loss - maybe the death of a loved one, or an illness, or a spiritual emptiness - has befallen us and we certainly can't see how God can bring good out of it.  

In this difficulty the answer is again found in Christ's resurrection.  In this time after Easter, when we get to constantly celebrate the awesomeness of the resurrection, we are called to remember the entire paschal mystery, Christ's passion, death, and resurrection.  They all go together, and they all point us towards our hope that is in eternal life with Him.  We aren't promised earthly happiness, actually we are asked to pick up our cross, but - if we are faithful - we are promised eternal happiness in heaven.  The wonderful truth of Christianity is that we are made for a happiness which only is found beyond this world.  As Augustine says, our hearts are restless until they rest in God; no earthly pleasures, or stuff, or peace, will ever be enough for us.  Even if we could avoid earthly suffering (which we can't), we are made for something more, we are made in the image and likeness of God and He offers us eternal bliss with Him, not anywhere else.   But this promise of future happiness is precisely something in the future, and the road there may be twisted and rocky.  Sometimes following Christ seems easy, fun, and exciting,but sometimes it is not - the road is often narrow.  

In all of this it seems difficult to remain positive, but we must always remember that our hope is in God, not ourselves.  If we rely on ourselves to figure out why some suffering has struck us, at some point we won't be able to figure it out and then we are left in despair.  But this despair is exactly what happens when we lose hope in Christ.  Hoping in Him, in his promise of eternal life and eternal happiness, requires us to not rely only on ourselves and to trust in God.  God promises us an eternal, complete, beyond-this-world happiness, and that requires that we trust in God, who is beyond this world.  You can't have it both ways; you can't have eternal happiness in a temporal world; you can't accept the gift of Heaven if you think you can create it for yourself on earth.  Earthly suffering can be transformed when we view it with the eyes of faith, but it also can be accepted - even when we don't see how it can be transformed - through that same faith which shows us the beautiful promise of heaven.  

Look at Mary.  She is a humble, beautiful, and holy young lady, and then an angel appears to her and asks her to become the mother of God.  She doesn't understand, yet she accepts (trusting in God, not herself).  And despite this intense trust that she shows to God - beyond anything any of us have ever done - she experiences a life that is chock full of terrible sufferings.  She is told that sword will pierce her heart, she has to flee into Egypt to escape Herod, she loses her Son in the temple, she watchers her Son get beaten, condemned to die, carrying the cross, and then crucified, she is at the foot of the cross, watching the life drain from her divine Son, and then He dies.  Her grief is impossible to contemplate, her pain, difficult to think about.  Of course, her life wasn't all pain and suffering - surely there were moments of peace, love, happiness, fun, etc. - but what I realized was that Mary, the holiest human ever (besides Jesus), wasn't exempt from the sufferings that afflict us all, if anything, she experienced more of them.  What gives?  That doesn't make sense to us.  

But if we look at the entire picture, including eternity, we suddenly find hope, and joy, and happiness again.  Despite all that pain, what is Mary given? - the queen-ship of heaven and the most perfect joy - having both body and soul - in paradise forever!  For a long time I didn't really know why the last two glorious mysteries of the rosary - the assumption and coronation of Mary - were there.  Yeah, they were teachings of the church, but they didn't seem to fit into the scope of the other mysteries, which are all about Jesus' redemption of mankind.  But now I have realized that it is in the light of the assumption and coronation that we realize the scope and grandeur of heaven that is bought for us through Christ's incarnation, passion, and resurrection.  Mary, as always, brings us closer to Christ!  In her, we see - in its entirety - Christ's promise of eternal life.  We are called to the same trust and faith in God - even in the midst of intense sufferings - that Mary had.  We are promised
 the same intense joy - if we remain faithful - that Mary has.  

Now, looking back through this post, there is some sense that this is a bit of a downer.  There is something very enticing about the Gospel of prosperity that claims that Jesus came so that we might have earthly wealth and happiness.  But if we really think about it, salvation must be so much more than that.  If salvation was all about bringing us earthly joy then it isn't very valuable - we can try to get earthly joy on our own, without God becoming man.  No, salvation involves saving us from sin, and death, and hatred - not from earthly troubles.  Salvation is a promise of perfect happiness, not the imperfect kind that we try to find on earth.  Now, this isn't to say that suffering and pain are good things; certainly they aren't; they came with the fall.  But, the paschal mystery invites us to lift our gaze, to have hope in the eternal life prepared for us, to see that the "life in abundance" promised us by Christ is so much more than earthly abundance.

Alright, time for a recap and conclusion:  Sometimes we find ourselves on our own Holy Saturday.  We experience loss, pain, hatred, doubt, or death and we don't know why.  Of course, we can always offer it up, and try to grow to love God more though it, but sometimes even that doesn't make it any easier to bear.  Sometimes we feel empty, abandoned, forgotten by God - we feel despair - and we don't know what to do.  But in those moments, above all, we must remain steadfast in our hope of eternal life.  Sometimes we will experience earthly suffering, and often those struggles won't go away; we can't see how God could transform them into something good.  In those moments, we must lift our eyes to the promise of life to come, to the eternal happiness that awaits us if we keep the faith.  Yes, struggles will beset us - and sometimes they don't go away (at least, for a long time), but through it all we must struggle to be like Mary, trusting through everything, knowing that God promises those who love Him bliss in heaven, not on earth.  

Now, all that said, don't think I'm experiencing some terrible crisis or anguish or something - I am doing just great at the moment (having fun with the family, planning for vacation, getting stuff ready for the NAC, etc.), but over the last week or so I have continuously been struck with ideas regarding the fact that our hope must be in heaven, not in ourselves, or on earth.  But, God gives us this hope in an incredible way.   As the prayer for the end of the Office of Readings for today says: 
God our Father, life of the faithful, glory of the humble, happiness of the just, hear our prayer.  Fill our emptiness with the blessing of the Eucharist, the foretaste of eternal joy.  We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and  reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. 
Our hope, then, isn't even as far removed as Heaven.  Jesus gives us His divine hope, and love, and joy in giving us Himself in the Blessed Sacrament.  This is the promise of eternal life, and the gift of that divine life into our souls, and that which gives us strength for the journey...  Yeah, the Eucharist is everything, because it is Jesus Himself.  Struggling? - spend an hour gazing at our Lord in the Eucharist.  Empty? - receive the fount of all grace in Holy Communion.  Hurting? - accept the token of Jesus' immense love for you in His Body and Blood.  Happy? - thank the Lord of joy for that gift.  Does the Eucharist take away suffering? - nope, but it gives us the strength to carry our crosses, the joy of intimate union with Christ, and the hope of eternal life with Him forever.  

And that's all for now!  Thanks for reading!

My Peace I Give You

On Wednesday a few guys, including myself, went over and did some exercising in the gym at Marian.  I am lucky enough to not have classes until 9:30 or 10:00 each day, so I tagged along with them and forced myself to do some exercising.  We got there around 8:00 AM and I started looking for a machine to use (there is a rather large assortment of machines).  I didn't really want to use the treadmill primarily because it is boring, so I took a cue from one of the other guys and went for a stationary bicycle.  Of course, I didn't want take the one right next to him, that's just kind of awkward, and I didn't want to take one of the ones that is super cushy, with a huge seat and straight up and down position, so I went for the third and final kind of bike which turned out to be the elite, racing-style bike, forward swept handle-bars and all.  I didn't really mind the different position, whenever I'm riding my (more typically shaped bike) I tend to lean forward rather than sit straight up anyway, so I figured it would work just fine.  

Well, it did, sort of.  There were only two buttons - mode and reset - which neither seemed to turn it on, but thankfully, after hopping onto it and pedaling, the display fired right up.  Victory!  Now, I usually don't require much in the way of data or metrics, but I do expect the basics, which this machine apparently didn't give.  I flipped through all two pages of the display and it didn't show either time or distance, though it showed cadence, kila-joules, and watts.  Hmm, not very useful to me...  Anyway, I kept pumping away at the machine, twisting this little knob under the handlebars that made things harder or easier (and made the numbers get bigger or grow faster or get smaller and grow slower respectively).  As you can probably tell, I didn't really know what I was doing, but I kept at it either way and after several minutes of hard effort made it to the incredible accomplishment of 100 kila-joules (with a peak power output of over 300 watts)!  I still have no idea what those numbers mean, but I'm sure they are spectacular... (maybe not...)

OK, continuing the story - I promise I'll get to something important eventually - I decided  after biking for a little while that I had had enough of that, so I moved over to the treadmills.  Again there were a lot of options, but I ended up picking one that larger (which usually means that it can go faster) and had a bigger display (no more goofy telemetry).  Anyway, I got onto it and it asked me for my weight, so I hit select, which apparently wasn't the button to hit because it skipped to the next screen, where it asked me to choose an exercise type.  I looked at the buttons and found that I could choose between fat burn, cardio, hill reps, and speed reps.  I thought briefly about my options and went with the hill reps - I figured that I could choose a speed and then it would automatically make the grade go up and down - sort of like the real world.  It then asked for a difficulty level - some number from 1 to 10 - so I chose something on the higher end and hit start.  Off it went - at 1% incline and .5 mph...  Well, that wasn't quite fast enough (to say the least), so I pushed the increase speed button and then pushed it again, and again, and again.  Unfortunately, it beeped every time it went up an increment in speed, so after a lot of beeping I was cruising along at 8 mph and a few percent incline.  Alright, thought I, time for some exercise.  

I glanced up to the TV (which was right in front of me) and saw that they were showing some replays of basketball games.  I don't really watch basketball, but it was better than watching the wall, so I started watching the game.  Wham!  The incline went up to 4% (which was pretty high for me) and 5 mph (which is barely faster than a walk, in other words, slow) - alright, I increased the speed up to where I wanted it and settled back into my run.  Wham!  Again the incline changed, and again the speed dropped.  I pushed it back to where I wanted it - less incline, more speed - and continued my run.  Well, as you probably could guess, it did it again - but this time the incline went up to 12% at which point I nearly fell off the treadmill because I wasn't expecting it, and again, the speed reset to whatever it wanted.  Alright, enough of that, I switched to speed-rep mode, expecting it to go with whatever speed I set and then bump up a bit every so often from there.  I was wrong again, because it just kept resetting the speed to 5 mph, then 5.5 mph, then 7 mph, then 6 mph, etc.  After another minute of wrestling with this I hit stop (I had done 1 mile in 8 minutes) and looked for manual mode.  I did eventually find it and did another 12 minutes of running - this time with myself controlling everything - and finished with a total of 2.6 miles in 20 minutes.  I would have gone further but the constantly changing speed (and loss of momentum) had burnt me out.

So, what was the point of these stories.  Well, first of all, I wanted to share something that happened to me that was pretty funny, but I am also hoping to be able to apply the story to a topic from the faith.  I know I am new at this, so hopefully this example isn't really cheesy, but the real subject of this post is peace.  Often times - like that bike that didn't tell me what was going on, or the treadmill that kept changing the speed or incline - we don't know what life will bring us each day, and when we do know, we sometimes don't enjoy it very much.  Basically, life isn't always fun!  Sometimes we lose friends or family, sometimes work (or school) is stressful, sometimes we have to do things that we really, really don't want to, sometimes prayer doesn't seem to be "working", sometimes life is hard, sometimes that alarm is too early.  Through all of this we try to find some peace and joy and most of the time it just doesn't work.  Our lives are busy, we are tired, and we feel like we are running from one things to the next just putting out fires.  And, you know what, that is part of life.  Hardships are part of the human experience (at least since we started sinning); however, while life will continue to be full of things that we don't like (for lack of a better term), we can still be filled with peace.  How? We have to get our peace from Christ.

In the Gospel, we see countless times where someone (or a group) is full of fear, or anxiety, or troubles, and we hear the words "peace be with you".  Some examples: After the Resurrection, Jesus appears in the upper room to his previously despairing, now startled, disciples, and the first thing that Jesus says is "Peace be with you" - Luke 24:36  Again, right before the Ascension, to his disciples who are distraught at the prospect of Him leaving, Jesus says "Peace I leave with you" - John 14:27.  Now, these examples aren't really helpful, yeah, Jesus gave them His peace, great, where do I get it?  Well, keep reading.  

In the same passage from John, Jesus continues: "my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid."  Here is the important part - this peace is different than the world's peace.  It isn't from the world.  True peace, as Arch-Abbot Lambert explained in our retreat last week, can only be given from, and found in, Christ.  God's perspective isn't ours, and he wants to transform all those problems, difficulties, and times of sadness into opportunities for us to grow closer to Him.  We must accept them, these crosses, as such - as means of reparation for our own sins (and others'), as times where we can learn greater trust of God, as ways to learn detachment, and as opportunities to grow in virtue.  In short, the peace of Christ, which is the only true peace, comes from learning to rely on Him and use every moment, regardless of how much we enjoy it, to become more Christlike.  This is the Little Way of St. Theresa of Lisieux, of offering up everything to God and doing everything for God.  It's not like God plans out our life and every so often sends in a difficulty - like one of those boss-levels in a video game - but whenever we are struggling He gives us the grace to persevere (which we need to accept) and the option of using that moment to grow closer to Him and become more like Him.  

Unfortunately, that's all I've got.  As an addendum I should note that this is by no means complete - there are so many other fantastic spiritual writers that have more experience than I, can write more beautifully and richly than I, know their faith better than I, and basically this means that I am undoubtedly leaving a lot out.  However, I wanted to tell you what is going on around here and simultaneously tell you something that I have been (slowly) learning through the seminary process: rely on God.  Finally, I need to say that there is another direction one could go with the topic of peace, that of becoming peacemakers (from the beatitudes).  I'll have to hit that topic at some point in the future.  Happy Friday!


May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit - Romans 15:13

Do I Really Trust in God, or Something Else?

So there I was this morning, slowly waking up, reading through the office of readings for the day, and then there was this little line right before the readings from Sacred Scripture.  "God's word is alive; it strikes to the heart.  - It pierces more surely than a two-edged sword."  If I had to guess this comes from the psalms, but I wasn't able to track down precisely which one.  Anyway, this struck home because, first, I was about to read from God's word, in this case it was from Paul's Second letter to the Corinthians, and second, I had recently listened to a Lighthouse Catholic Media CD in which the speaker related how, over the course of a month or so, meditating on the scripture readings from Mass each day had a profound impact on her life, and completely switched her from being a somewhat complacent Catholic to being on fire for the teachings of the Church and totally living her Catholic faith.

OK, so there I was just waiting for the excerpt from Paul's letter to jump up and scream at me, and this is what I read:

"Brothers, we do not which to leave you in the dark about the trouble we had in Asia; we were crushed beyond our strength, even to the point of despairing of life.  We were left to feel like men condemned to death so that we might trust, not in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.  He rescued us from the danger of death and will continue to do so.  We have put our hope in him who will never cease to deliver us.  But you must help us with your prayers, so that on our behalf God may be thanked for the gift granted us through the prayers of so many." - II Corinthians - 1:8-11

I guess it jumped out at me a little, you know, I needed to trust in God.  But I was kind of like: yeah, God, I already knew that bit, You have to be my defender, shield, etc. - where is the shock factor, the point for me, the striking to the heart?   But, God had bigger plans for this verse - I just had to wait a bit...

So 10 minutes later I was down in the kitchen eating breakfast (which was quite the treat today: french toast bake), and I flipped through the Catholic Times (which is the Springfield Diocesan paper).  I saw that there was an article on Pope Francis' recent address to seminarians and novices on July 7th.  Of course, since it was from the pope and addressed to me (or people like me anyway), I decided to read it... (Some excerpts, as taken from the Catholic Times).

"Some of the greatest dangers standing in the way of a happy religious life are materialism and a culture that believes nothing is forever...  [yep, I already know this...] 
Even religious men and women have to avoid the temptation of thinking "the latest smartphone, the fastest moped, and a car that turns heads" will make them happy...  [wait a second - no smartphone, no nicer car...  I thought materialism just applied to rich people, and really fancy cars, and million dollar vacations, that sort of thing...  I thought materialism didn't apply to me...]
True joy doesn't come from things or "living on the edge,"... "Opening up to  [Jesus'] love and divine call is "the secret of our joy," ... "Don't be afraid of showing the joy of having answered the Lord's call,"  [The pope's message is starting to hit home.  Whenever I see a priest, seminarian, or sister who is absolutely, totally, joyful I want to know where it comes from.  I think the pope has told me the obvious here.  True joy is found in following Jesus Christ.]
And that brings me back to where this post started: "so that we might trust, not in ourselves, but in God".  This is a point where I know, personally, that I need to work on.  I am always researching the latest gadget, laptop, cool gizmo, or better car, and I think that I need to rethink my priorities.  It's about time that I started applying these thoughts to myself - not just to the abstract everybody else.  I really wanted to say that the pope was talking to other people, maybe cardinals or something, but then I saw that he was speaking to "Seminarians and Novices" - this definitely applies to me.  That striking to the heart really happens.  Reading Scripture and applying it personally isn't always fun and fluff.  Following Christ completely involves sacrifice along with joy.  

As always, it seems that I am coming to the end of a post without it feeling completely finished.  I'll have to work on that I guess...  I have found that applying the principals that I sometimes write about in here are a bit more tough when applied to myself.  Ah well, the challenge goes on...