Open Wide the Doors for Christ!

So, for whatever reason, I woke up with the words from the palio "run, so as to win!" in my mind - don't ask why, I have no idea!  BUT, they reminded me of a very important fact: the incredible generosity and support that I've been given over the past couple months here in my transition to the NAC by everybody here.  See, in the Palio, when the priest is giving the horse that blessing before-hand, he shouts at it to "run" [va! - go!] "so as to win" [per vincere (something like that...)].  But the thing is, that the horse is all on his own - if the jockey falls off, the horse can still win, as long as it just keeps running and manages to get around first.  Here, at the NAC, things have felt just about as hectic, just about as fast-paced, and just about as crazy as the three, insane, blisteringly-fast, laps of the Palio.  These last couple months have been absolutely packed with stuff to get done, things to complete, places to go, things to do, people to meet, new things to learn, culture to immerse yourself in (not only Italian, but also getting to know how things work here in the seminary) - it's been about the busiest time of my life!  BUT, unlike the palio, and that horse, I have not been alone at all. Every single step of the way - from the faculty, the other upper-year men, and the other guys in my class - I've gotten just blown away by how much everybody is willing, and wanting, to help me out.

Last evening (now last week, this post is taking longer than I though) was the opening banquet, a pretty fancy meal that they have every year after the first week of classes (for most guys - some of the 2nd-cycle guys, in their 4th and later years start on different weeks) to officially start the year and welcome everybody back.  We had had a smaller, but just as fun, banquet maybe a month or two ago (I think it was after we got back from our first month of Italian studies outside of Rome - for me, in Assisi) to welcome all the new men (myself and my 50 or so classmates), but this was the final, official, one, and it marks the moment when everything finally settles down - for the most part - and things get into the usual schedule and whatnot (6:15 AM Mass, then breakfast, then classes, then pranzo, then studying, then sports, the Adoration, then Evening Prayer, then cena, then hanging-out, then bed, etc.!)  Anyway, so after a delicious meal (antipasto: prosciutto, buffalo mozzarella, mushrooms, and dried tomatoes; primo: carbonara; secundo: roasted chicken, cooked spinach, and mashed potatoes; and dolche: a kind of cream-filled, powder-sugar-covered cake), one of the men from my class (Colin Jones, who also has a blog) gave the opening-banquet-toast on behalf of the new-men during which he expressed exactly what I'm trying to say here.  

First of all, the faculty! The talks that we've had so far - about the different basilicas, homilies during Mass, conferences on life here at the NAC, and in Rome - have been inspiring, beautiful, reassuring, and everything else that I could possibly hope for.  I've started taking notes for pretty much every single talk I hear because I know they'll be great! Msgr. Checchio, the rector, gave us our first formation conference this past Thursday, and in it he was completely genuine in his exhorting us to open ourselves to formation here - to allow the priests, the experience, and most of all, Christ, to form us, above everything else, after the heart of Christ.  Everything else - academic prowess, physical fitness, even spiritual-ness - only comes after that foundational love, that fundamental openness, to become more and more, day after day, in every single moment and every single way, like Christ.  Priests are meant to go [va!] - to teach, to preach, to heal, to help - in the most profound and extraordinary way, like Christ - in persona Christi capitis - and seminary, Msgr. explained, is meant, above all, to form us to be more and more like Him.  Of course, he continued, this means that it's not always easy, it's meant to be a challenge because - face it - we're not all that much like Christ at the moment, though were striving for that.  The challenge of living a truly radical, completely loving, absolutely dedicated, perfectly generous life is a life-long one (and one that requires that we depend on God and His grace).  BUT, getting back on track, Msgr. Checchio reminded us that the seminary is designed - in every single way - to get us on that path of holiness and Christ-likeness.  Everyone, himself included, is watching out for us, not - in the words of Pope Francis - because the seminary is a police-state or something - but because they want us, above all, to grow towards Christ during our time here, in faith, and hope, and love, and chastity, and preparation, and courage, etc.  He reiterated that all the priests here, and all the formation that we'll be experiencing over the next years - spiritually, pastorally, humanly - will be hard at times, but that we must, like Christ, remain obedient to God's will (as indicated through those He has chosen - our bishops) and stick it out, trusting that all is meant to lead us closer to God so as to love His people better.  My synthesis of his talk, incomplete as it is, makes it less inspiring, and more scary, than it actually was.  It was an amazing, impassioned, inspiring talk, and it made me ready and willing to throw myself into formation - come what may - to become that holy, healthy, and happy priest that the NAC is striving to prepare and form!

In so many other ways too, the priests have been so very helpful over the past couple of months.  From their constant offers to help us, and their constant willingness to direct us, and their constant patience with our mistakes, forgetfulness, and confusion of getting to know a new place, to their inspiring example of being priests just joyfully giving themselves to Christ and His church, to their always-happy greetings in the hallways, there have been so many examples of generosity among the faculty here it's just astounding!  I know for myself, they've been an inspiration!  Like that time I got hundreds of bug bites, and looked like the panther from "Put me in the Zoo" [yeah, that was a long time ago, even for the youngest member of our class...], a very obvious ailment because the next day was our beach-outing, and several of the priests immediately offered different medicines/creams, and arranged to have the sisters who run the infirmary to come over, and then checked up over the next couple days to make sure I was doing fine.  It was awkward, I wanted to "be a man" and just tough it out, but their help meant I itched for a couple days rather than a couple weeks, and it taught me the even more important lesson of learning to look out for, and help, everybody around me.  Just last Thursday - another great anecdote - the new priests on faculty made their oath of fidelity to the faith and to the church.  It was so cool, and powerful, to see those priests, standing in front of the entire community and commiting themselves to forming me, and the other seminarians, according to the faith! Colin gave some good examples, and some funny ones, in his speech, (and I could as well) but I won't dive into those here (some other time); this is supposed to be a short post (after all, it is [was] like 5 in the morning... on a Saturday) and I'd like to get my ideas down as quickly as possible.

The second group of guys that Colin thanked, and I'd totally agree, are the other men here.  A huge thumbs-up to all those guys who have constantly, after I bring up the topic of struggling in Italian (like every day...), given me advise, and encouragement, to stick it out, be patient with myself, and that eventually it will come.  Or those guys who've bought us gelato, or cooked us meals, or baked cookies, or told us the best places to eat in Rome, or organized sports, or put tons of free-stuff [regalo] on the halls for me to scavenge and fill my room with (seriously, I've picked up a couple of chairs, books, a bunk-bed, a fan, a carpet, a table, a clock, and some other things), or invited us into their groups during dinner, or welcomed us warmly when we showed up at the lounge that first night, or showed us around the KNAC (a little store they run here with stationary, snacks, soap, and other important little things), or opened the bowling alley for us (yep, we have a bowling alley - the second oldest one in Europe - down in the basement), or helped tutor us in Italian, or came and visited us on the breaks during our first week of classes, or walked us over to our schools for the Italian proficiency test, and helped me retrieve my back-pack after I forgot it during the Italian proficiency test [ho domenticato il mio zaino...], or stopped by our rooms to greet us, to chat, to welcome us (again, and again, and again!), or complemented us on those little things we got right, or put like a hundred different holy cards in our boxes, or talked about places we should visit, or prayed for us during this previous summer...  (If you hadn't guessed, I could go on!)  Colin again, had a couple of good examples, some funny some seriously eye-opening to just how generous these guys have been, and just how far they've gone to welcome and help us.  Again, I'm going to keep it short and move onto the last group of awesome folks I've become friends with.

And that would be the members of my own class.  We were all thrown together there at the airport in Newark a couple months ago, myself knowing very few of them, but ever since that moment I've been enjoying my time with them immensely.  They're a great group of guys!  Enthusiastic about diving into the next level of seminary, incredibly supportive when I'm feeling overwhelmed by whatever challenge happens to hit me his week (mainly, it's been the Italian), competitive on the sports field, ready and willing to wander around with me, constantly giving a little grin or "hello" as they walk past my room, models for holiness, and perseverance, and discernment.  But, above all those superlative adjectives, they are just a bunch of men that are a ton of fun to spend time with, and I'm privileged to count them as friends!  Growing together, praying together, struggling together, exploring together, settling-in together; it forms close bonds, and it forms close friendships!  Yeah, it's a great class, the next five years will be full of wonderful times and experiences, and - God-willing - in 3 years, I'll be laying down next to them in St. Peter's basilica about to be ordained a deacon!  

Yeah, so the NAC is a phenomenal place to be preparing for priesthood, due very much so to the great men that are here - priests and other seminarians!  They are all open to God's grace working in their lives, and God's love working through their lives, and it shows!  It's a wonderful place to be!  

Side note: with 250 guys it's really hard to get to know, or even remember the names, of everybody.  Literally, I don't think I've met everybody and we've been all back for probably about a month...  Still, while that's the challenge of having such a large group, thankfully things are broken down quite a bit into smaller groups.  For instance, there's the usual guys who play soccer, or the guys in the choir, or the guys in my class at the Greg, or the guys on my hall, or the guys from Illinois, or the guys who do a Bible Study every Thursday, etc.  It's a great way to build those stronger friendships that would be tough otherwise if you just had to jump into the whole huge group of them.

On Wednesday a few guys, including myself, went over and did some exercising in the gym at Marian.  I am lucky enough to not have classes until 9:30 or 10:00 each day, so I tagged along with them and forced myself to do some exercising.  We got there around 8:00 AM and I started looking for a machine to use (there is a rather large assortment of machines).  I didn't really want to use the treadmill primarily because it is boring, so I took a cue from one of the other guys and went for a stationary bicycle.  Of course, I didn't want take the one right next to him, that's just kind of awkward, and I didn't want to take one of the ones that is super cushy, with a huge seat and straight up and down position, so I went for the third and final kind of bike which turned out to be the elite, racing-style bike, forward swept handle-bars and all.  I didn't really mind the different position, whenever I'm riding my (more typically shaped bike) I tend to lean forward rather than sit straight up anyway, so I figured it would work just fine.  

Well, it did, sort of.  There were only two buttons - mode and reset - which neither seemed to turn it on, but thankfully, after hopping onto it and pedaling, the display fired right up.  Victory!  Now, I usually don't require much in the way of data or metrics, but I do expect the basics, which this machine apparently didn't give.  I flipped through all two pages of the display and it didn't show either time or distance, though it showed cadence, kila-joules, and watts.  Hmm, not very useful to me...  Anyway, I kept pumping away at the machine, twisting this little knob under the handlebars that made things harder or easier (and made the numbers get bigger or grow faster or get smaller and grow slower respectively).  As you can probably tell, I didn't really know what I was doing, but I kept at it either way and after several minutes of hard effort made it to the incredible accomplishment of 100 kila-joules (with a peak power output of over 300 watts)!  I still have no idea what those numbers mean, but I'm sure they are spectacular... (maybe not...)

OK, continuing the story - I promise I'll get to something important eventually - I decided  after biking for a little while that I had had enough of that, so I moved over to the treadmills.  Again there were a lot of options, but I ended up picking one that larger (which usually means that it can go faster) and had a bigger display (no more goofy telemetry).  Anyway, I got onto it and it asked me for my weight, so I hit select, which apparently wasn't the button to hit because it skipped to the next screen, where it asked me to choose an exercise type.  I looked at the buttons and found that I could choose between fat burn, cardio, hill reps, and speed reps.  I thought briefly about my options and went with the hill reps - I figured that I could choose a speed and then it would automatically make the grade go up and down - sort of like the real world.  It then asked for a difficulty level - some number from 1 to 10 - so I chose something on the higher end and hit start.  Off it went - at 1% incline and .5 mph...  Well, that wasn't quite fast enough (to say the least), so I pushed the increase speed button and then pushed it again, and again, and again.  Unfortunately, it beeped every time it went up an increment in speed, so after a lot of beeping I was cruising along at 8 mph and a few percent incline.  Alright, thought I, time for some exercise.  

I glanced up to the TV (which was right in front of me) and saw that they were showing some replays of basketball games.  I don't really watch basketball, but it was better than watching the wall, so I started watching the game.  Wham!  The incline went up to 4% (which was pretty high for me) and 5 mph (which is barely faster than a walk, in other words, slow) - alright, I increased the speed up to where I wanted it and settled back into my run.  Wham!  Again the incline changed, and again the speed dropped.  I pushed it back to where I wanted it - less incline, more speed - and continued my run.  Well, as you probably could guess, it did it again - but this time the incline went up to 12% at which point I nearly fell off the treadmill because I wasn't expecting it, and again, the speed reset to whatever it wanted.  Alright, enough of that, I switched to speed-rep mode, expecting it to go with whatever speed I set and then bump up a bit every so often from there.  I was wrong again, because it just kept resetting the speed to 5 mph, then 5.5 mph, then 7 mph, then 6 mph, etc.  After another minute of wrestling with this I hit stop (I had done 1 mile in 8 minutes) and looked for manual mode.  I did eventually find it and did another 12 minutes of running - this time with myself controlling everything - and finished with a total of 2.6 miles in 20 minutes.  I would have gone further but the constantly changing speed (and loss of momentum) had burnt me out.

So, what was the point of these stories.  Well, first of all, I wanted to share something that happened to me that was pretty funny, but I am also hoping to be able to apply the story to a topic from the faith.  I know I am new at this, so hopefully this example isn't really cheesy, but the real subject of this post is peace.  Often times - like that bike that didn't tell me what was going on, or the treadmill that kept changing the speed or incline - we don't know what life will bring us each day, and when we do know, we sometimes don't enjoy it very much.  Basically, life isn't always fun!  Sometimes we lose friends or family, sometimes work (or school) is stressful, sometimes we have to do things that we really, really don't want to, sometimes prayer doesn't seem to be "working", sometimes life is hard, sometimes that alarm is too early.  Through all of this we try to find some peace and joy and most of the time it just doesn't work.  Our lives are busy, we are tired, and we feel like we are running from one things to the next just putting out fires.  And, you know what, that is part of life.  Hardships are part of the human experience (at least since we started sinning); however, while life will continue to be full of things that we don't like (for lack of a better term), we can still be filled with peace.  How? We have to get our peace from Christ.

In the Gospel, we see countless times where someone (or a group) is full of fear, or anxiety, or troubles, and we hear the words "peace be with you".  Some examples: After the Resurrection, Jesus appears in the upper room to his previously despairing, now startled, disciples, and the first thing that Jesus says is "Peace be with you" - Luke 24:36  Again, right before the Ascension, to his disciples who are distraught at the prospect of Him leaving, Jesus says "Peace I leave with you" - John 14:27.  Now, these examples aren't really helpful, yeah, Jesus gave them His peace, great, where do I get it?  Well, keep reading.  

In the same passage from John, Jesus continues: "my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid."  Here is the important part - this peace is different than the world's peace.  It isn't from the world.  True peace, as Arch-Abbot Lambert explained in our retreat last week, can only be given from, and found in, Christ.  God's perspective isn't ours, and he wants to transform all those problems, difficulties, and times of sadness into opportunities for us to grow closer to Him.  We must accept them, these crosses, as such - as means of reparation for our own sins (and others'), as times where we can learn greater trust of God, as ways to learn detachment, and as opportunities to grow in virtue.  In short, the peace of Christ, which is the only true peace, comes from learning to rely on Him and use every moment, regardless of how much we enjoy it, to become more Christlike.  This is the Little Way of St. Theresa of Lisieux, of offering up everything to God and doing everything for God.  It's not like God plans out our life and every so often sends in a difficulty - like one of those boss-levels in a video game - but whenever we are struggling He gives us the grace to persevere (which we need to accept) and the option of using that moment to grow closer to Him and become more like Him.  

Unfortunately, that's all I've got.  As an addendum I should note that this is by no means complete - there are so many other fantastic spiritual writers that have more experience than I, can write more beautifully and richly than I, know their faith better than I, and basically this means that I am undoubtedly leaving a lot out.  However, I wanted to tell you what is going on around here and simultaneously tell you something that I have been (slowly) learning through the seminary process: rely on God.  Finally, I need to say that there is another direction one could go with the topic of peace, that of becoming peacemakers (from the beatitudes).  I'll have to hit that topic at some point in the future.  Happy Friday!

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit - Romans 15:13

As I start this post it is right before our retreat starts at St. Meinrad (so the no electronics policy hasn't started yet), and I wanted to write a short post about something I found in The Priest is Not His Own, by Venerable Fulton Sheen.  I've been reading the book for a while (I probably started it nearly a year ago), but it is somewhat long, very dense (in a good way), and I have had a pile of books which I am reading simultaneously (which slows down how fast one can read through one book).  

Anyway, on pages 200-213 he talks about the Eucharist (a topic that goes throughout the entire book, but this happened to be the place that I started today, so it's what I wanted to make a post on).  He begins by looking at the Old Testament, how Melchizedek, and his sacrifice of bread and wine, prefigure Our Lord, and His sacrifice of bread and wine (which, of course, is Himself).  This probably is an obvious type (where something in the Old Testament prefigures something in the New), but Bishop Sheen goes further: what does Abraham do when he gains victory (saving Lot)?  Instead of taking the spoils for himself, Melchizedek arrives and blessed Abraham, reminding him that the spoils, the victory, are truly God's.  

Next, Bishop Sheen looks at the bread of the presence in the Old Testament.  This is another obvious type of the Eucharistic bread that Christ will give in the New Testament.  I quote: 

Finally, he looks at the New Testament.  The first words Jesus speaks (in John's Gospel) are "What would you have of me?" [John 1:38]  It is a question that we should all ask ourselves.  Are we coming to Jesus Christ for worldly power or prestige, money, military power, or some other worldly good?  Are we coming to take some part of what Jesus says, but not quite everything?  John and Andrew, when they first came to Jesus, got it right.  They accepted everything, they didn't say, well, we like the healing the sick part, but not so much the picking up one's own cross.  They simply asked Jesus "where are you staying?".  As Fulton Sheen explains, we need to do the exact same thing - go to where Jesus is present - accepting everything from Him who gives us everything in the Eucharist.  

I am now back from my retreat, which was awesome by the way, and this theme, to be open to Christ coming into my life and transforming it, seems to keep reappearing everywhere.  On the drive back from Effingham on Thursday, I listened to a podcast by Fr. Michael Schmitz, which was his homily for Christmas Eve.  In that homily he reiterated that Jesus came into the world out of love, He wants to enter your life - your entire life, the good and the bad - and transform it.  He was born into a cold cave at Bethlehem, was laid in a slimy, nasty, manger, and visited by the not-so-spiritually-great shepherds.  But that is the entire message of Christmas, that God becomes man precisely to enter our broken, messed-up, hard world.  He comes as a man so that He can save all men from their sins and bring them to Himself.  It is up to us to accept that invitation.  To meditate on the beauty, tenderness, and love shown to us in the Incarnation, but also on the same beauty, tenderness, and love that Jesus shows to us everyday in the Holy Mass.  We must receive him into our lives just as Mary did.  We must have incredible reverence, devotion, and love for this incredible gift of Himself - something the Israelites forgot to their peril.  And finally, we must give absolutely everything to God, just like Abraham did.  (Side note: Abraham is often called the father of faith, but it's important to remember that faith is more than just believing/agreeing with doctrines, dogmas, etc.  Faith means we give our lives to God and let Him change us.  It means acting differently! - something I learned today in a talk by Bishop Paprocki to a men's prayer breakfast here in Quincy.)  Let Christ entering into your heart, especially in the Eucharist, totally transform your life!  There is so much more to say here, but I have run out of time, so I'll have to leave you with that for now...

Alright!  Well, that post ended completely differently than I had intended it too, but blogger.com stopped working so I lost the last half and had to retype it (and I went into a totally different topic).  Think of it this way, it means I have something else to write about later!  Anyway, I am now in the last days of my Christmas break, having been running around non-stop since it started, having still not completed the application to the N.A.C., and having not read all dozen, or so, books that I wanted too.  Good thing I'll have tons of free time this semester... (not!)  Ah well, business is a sign of abundant blessings I suppose.  

Happy First Saturday!...  I don't know if I've ever wished someone that before, but I guess it can be done, right?  Actually, we should be very happy, because on Saturdays (especially 1st Saturdays) we honor Mary, and that should make us happy, because Mary is awesome!  (I'll have to expound on that in some other post, because that one word isn't very descriptive in today's society...)  Anyway, drum roll please: this post will be a little bit more important than my typical "sorry, I don't have much time, here's a cool video" post...  :-)  

And that is because I am finally able to announce to you all that I will be applying to study at the Pontifical North American College - in Rome, Italy - for my upper/theology level seminary!  It is located within Vatican City (i.e. it overlooks St. Peter's Basilica!), and has about 250 seminarians from the United States, Canada, and Australia.  If I get accepted, which is somewhat likely, but not guaranteed (they are at, or almost at, capacity right now), I will be heading over to Italy in mid-July (as in, 7 months from now!), to spend 8 weeks, or so, in Italian immersion.  That is very important because all the classes (which start in October, I believe), are taught in Italian...  

It's a little scary - not so much the language (that is overcome-able by hard work), but mostly just how far away I will be from everything I know (and love) back home.  But, while it's incredibly daunting, it is also incredibly exciting (as you can imagine)!  Please, as always, keep me in your prayers - that God's will may be done. 

Part of the reason that I haven't been good at posting stuff over this Christmas break is that I have been really, really busy trying to fill out all the forms (all 30 pages of them!), getting the requisite check-ups, and writing the required autobiography.  I have so many plans for great posts, but I just haven't had time to write them!  Unfortunately, I'm going to have 19 credit hours next semester, so unless I stay really organized I don't think my rate of posting is going to go up...  (We'll see!)
In other news: I just got back from a wonderful First-Friday, First-Saturday vigil (which started with the Rosary, then Mass, then Exposition, then many, many devotions, then Benediction, and Mass again at 1 in the morning - it was fantastic!)  Also, later today I will be heading down to Effingham where I will meet the other Springfield-diocese Brute guys and we will car-pool over to St. Meinrad where our retreat is happening.  It will last until Wednesday, at which point, I will come back home, finish all the application stuff, and then get some more blogging done before going back to Brute on next Sunday.  Man, this break has gone by way too fast!  

view from St. Peter's dome - overlooking the city of Rome