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Rejoice! God Transforms our Crosses!
Today was the first day of classes, but, instead of just running through the day as I usually do, I want to connect the day with faith. I mean, I'm in seminary, but often my posts, at least when I don't have a lot of time, just tell you what happened and leave it at that. That, I think, isn't enough. The point of this blog is to show seminary life, but seminary life is so much more than what happens to me each day, it also involves what God does to me each day. It is learning to depend on God, and that is the topic of this post.
In my last class today, the mission and history of Catholic schools, which is the only evening class that I have taken at Marian (it goes from 6:30 to 9:30), the teacher ended class with a prayer from Thomas Merton. The rest of the prayer is at the end of this post, but for now I just want to concentrate on one line: I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
Now, having said that, lets look at the rest of the day. I woke up tired because I went to bed late last night (after midnight). I was trying to get things ready for today - order books, figure out my schedule, write a blog post, etc. However, while it isn't a big deal when I would go to bed at midnight at home because I could sleep until 8 or so, here I am getting up at 5:45, which means I only had about 5 hours of sleep. (Side note: I'm the type of person that really wants 8 hours of sleep, maybe 9, so 5 is not cool at all...)
Anyway, today my classes started at 10 AM with Philosophical Themes in Catholic Authors, then at noon Logic, at 1 God and Philosophy, and the one on Catholic education at 6:30. Don't get me wrong, philosophy isn't easy, but I still have been learning a ton in my philosophy classes and have started to look forward to them. Well, this morning I wasn't quite as enthusiastic (I'll blame it on the lack of sleep), and so I went to class hoping that whatever the professor said would get me interested.
Well, in the first class, Philosophical Themes in Catholic Authors, the professor opened class by lambasting students who don't read everything from the works they are assigned, and proceeded to explain that we would have a quiz every day so that he could ascertain that we had read everything and had thought about it. Now, again, don't get me wrong, I always intend to read what I am assigned, but I was really hoping that this class wouldn't be the hard kind - I know, it's philosophy, how would it be easy? - but still, I was really hoping that despite my taking 19 credit hours this semester it would turn out easier. On top of this, the teacher explained that we would have a 7-9 page paper due at the end of the semester, which I really did expect, but for whatever reason was really hoping I wouldn't hear this morning.
I had a break of 1 hour before my second class which I spent in the library, mostly just wasting time (I had nothing I could do just yet in class and I didn't force myself to do something else productive - you know, finish my application to the NAC, or write a blog post, or something). Then I grabbed a bite to eat and headed over to logic. Now, this is the same professor as Metaphysics last year - and his classes are always rock solid and just plain fantastic, so I was really hoping he could get me fired up for this semester. Well, as you might guess, it didn't quite happen. The little things, like the fact that the room was packed, or I wasn't concentrating too well, or the joking around that would normally have been a lot of fun, but instead was distracting, just annoyed me I guess. I mean, I wasn't mad, I just wasn't very happy...
Alright, well the same pattern continued into my third class, again, one I was sure I would enjoy, God and Philosophy. This was the topic that finally got me interested in philosophy last semester - how we can understand something about God, how faith and reason can overlap - and it was a teacher who I had only heard stellar things about. Guess what, again, I failed to get enthused. I guess I was just a bit tired or something, but for whatever reason I was only concentrating on how difficult the class could be - all that reading, the quizzes, the paper, whatever - and not how awesome, or fun, or educational it could be.
So, back to my final class, the dreaded Mission and History of Catholic Schools. It is a 5 week class that meets on Monday evenings - so I was thinking it couldn't be too hard - but it was still in the evening, I was still tired (despite a short nap this afternoon), and I was still a bit glum from not having a great first day. So, basically, I was pretty unexcited. I didn't even want to offer the difficulties up - it was just an off day. Anyway, I sit down around 6:30 and a few minutes later the teacher walks in and proceeds to spend the next hour introducing the topic (which I was happily surprised, looked to be pretty solidly Catholic) and then having the rest of us introduce ourselves (myself and another seminarian are in the class along with 5 young ladies, all of whom seem to be pretty strong Catholics, and most of whom are planning on becoming teachers). I was starting, in the class I least expected to, to become interested. We continued to run through some basics, she outlined how the 2 fundamental differences of Catholic schools are the fact that it is meant for the furthering of the Church and the faith (seems pretty solid) and is funded by the Church, not the state (which is partially accurate, but certainly still a big differentiator). Finally, she ended with that prayer.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen.
Bam, it hit me. I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. I went back to Brute and got to catch the last 10 minutes of Adoration, after which I prayed a rosary, and what kept running through my head was the fact that anything, even if it is tough, not what I want, or not what I expected, can be offered up to Christ and transformed by Him so that it brings me - if only because I have to pray more to get through it - closer to Him. Just wanting to do something for Christ is doing something for Him. While praying about this, I started thinking about all this and I was trying to see how I could say that joy could be found, even in things you don't like, just by doing them for God, or maybe even seeing them as part of His plan. I settled on the fact that doing anything for God brings us closer to Him, where true joy and peace and love is found, and so, wham, you are better off (even if you didn't like whatever you were gonna have to do).
But, the amazing thing is that as I write this post I have become more and more excited about all these classes. I, right now, can't wait until Wednesday to dive back into this stuff. You know that rush of adrenaline that happens when you are excited - yeah, that just hit me! Oh man, this is going to be a great semester. Those Catholic Authors - come on, it's Flannery O'Connor and C.S. Lewis, bring it on, quizzes or not! Those dry logical arguments - forget the boring stuff, I'm in a class with 20 other seminarians and one of my favorite teachers, this is going to be a blast! That work-intensive God and Philosophy class - this stuff is the absolute epitome of philosophy, it's what I loved so much about last semester, it's going to be fantastic! That Catholic education class - its full of excited, young Catholics, ready to dedicate their lives to the church and to their God, talk about enthusiasm!
Yeah, so God managed to not only get me to offer up the struggles to Him but also completely transform my way of looking at them. Thank you God! This semester is going to be great! And with that, I'm going to bed... Huzzah! As always, there is so much more to say on this topic, but I really do want to post more often, so I think I may just stick to a big point or two and try to show how seminary life connects up to them. We'll see if it works out.
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