Open Wide the Doors for Christ!

Thank goodness that we celebrate Easter for an entire week (actually 8 days!) because I have been extremely busy for the last week, and I haven't had the chance to say anything about the most important solemnity of the year.  Happy Easter!  He is Risen!  Continuing my previous thought though, you know what, being busy is OK.  Obviously, I'd like to have been able to have some more free time and be able to write some more posts (and do other things), but I have slowly come to realize over this Easter that my life absolutely has to be about God, and what He wants me to do, not what I want to do.  I'm hoping to churn out a few posts over the next several days all encompassing (or at least relating back to) this all-important point because over everything else that has been going on it is this idea that keeps hitting me.  I guess I have some work to do!  

Alright, first story: being a subdeacon...  After finishing up my classes on Holy Thursday, I endured the long drive home and made it back in time to go to the Mass of the Lord's Supper that evening.  As I have mentioned in the past, we (the family) attend Mass at St. Rose, which is staffed by the F.S.S.P. and has Mass in the Extraordinary Form.  Anyway, I ended up helping out at the end of Mass when they transferred the Eucharist to the reserve Tabernacle and needed a thurifur (interesting fact: it's harder than you think to spin around, incense the Blessed Sacrament, and then continue walking forward without tripping or running into the priest).  

That evening, knowing at this point that I was going to have to be subdeacon for the rest of the Easter Triduum (and not really wanting to), I spent a lot of time praying that God's Will be done and that I'd have the strength and courage to do it.   (Another thing that I learned: don't think that by kneeling the entire 3 hours on Holy Thursday night impresses anybody, but yeah, it does hurt the knees, and thighs, and back...)  Back onto topic: I really wasn't scared of what I would have to do for subdeacon - that sort of thing you can learn in practice - but I was very uncomfortable stepping into that role.  It turned out to be a good - though long - evening of prayer; I had some quality time to think about things, offer them up, and realize that my doing subdeacon was a small way to become a bit more like Christ, especially as we were in the midst of recalling His Passion.  I mean, there I am - trying to spend some time in prayer, as Jesus asked His disciples to do - and it's really hard to complain to Him about being subdeacon when He accepted from God a much, much, harder task.

On Good Friday morning I went for a short run (we are back in the swing of training for a mini-marathon) before myself and my brother headed over to church to do some training for the liturgy that would take place that afternoon.  We returned home after the hour-long practice and found that one set of cousins/aunt/uncle had arrived.  It was one of those things, I wasn't looking forward to the whole subdeacon thing, but I always enjoy hanging out with my extended family immensely, so that took my mind off the whole thing.  We attended Stations of the Cross at noon, followed by a small collation (don't get to use that word too often...) of PB&J's and apples.  3 PM eventually did roll around though, and so back to church I went, feeling at peace with the whole thing but still kind of wishing that I didn't have to.   We (Father, the deacon, and myself) vested in albs/cinctures, with amice and biretta (the first time I had worn either of those) and out we went - them, probably meditating on Christ's passion, me, on the "outfit" I was wearing.  However, my selfish focus wore off pretty quickly when the liturgy began with us prostrating ourselves for a minute on the marble floor of the sanctuary; it was a cold, hard, reminder that His will is more important than mine!  There were a set of prayers/readings that were chanted (during which I didn't have to do much of anything) and then the Passion was chanted (again, I was just standing there).  Next we had the veneration of the cross.  My part was simple: stand next to Father and help him slowly unveil the (large and heavy) crucifix.  It wasn't perfect (I missed one of my genuflections), but nothing went up in flames, or broke, or was invalid, so that's alright.  Then we took off our shoes and walked up to venerate the cross (now supported by two servers) - again reminding me that it has to be about Him, about His will, about loving God and giving yourself entirely to His Will (not about my qualms about wearing a biretta, acting as subdeacon, and everything else)...  The last part of the liturgy went quickly - there was just the distribution of Holy Communion, a few more prayers/readings, and then the procession out, but it was the most uncomfortable and difficult moment for me because this was when I had to put on a tunicle (which looks really similar to the dalmatic which a deacon wears).  As I mentioned before, canonically it's fine for a layman to fill the position of subdeacon (in case of necessity), but I sure didn't feel ready to do so.  Anyway, I put it on, we finished up the liturgy, and that was that.  It wasn't quite as bad as I thought, and the world didn't end when I put it on, but what struck me was how heavy it was.  It wasn't like unbearably weighty, just dense.  It's hard to explain, but I couldn't really forget that it was there, it felt like that lead vest they put over you when you have dental x-rays (I've had plenty of practice with those), but of course, in the liturgy celebrating Good Friday, it had a lot more meaning.  It reminded me (again) that my job in life is to discern, and do, the will of God.  Sometimes that will be enjoying the company of people you love, sometimes that will be struggling to stay awake when squinting for 5 hours, sometimes that will be staying up till midnight praying, and sometimes that will be doing something you don't want to do, stepping outside of your comfort zone, (literally) picking up that cross, or yoke, or tunicle.  

After the liturgy we spent a few minutes talking with other people in the parking lot and many were excited that I got to do subdeacon.  I was certainly less enthusiastic than they were (probably need to work on being more positive), but one person said something to the extent that "I bet that made you think about your vocation didn't it?"  And it did!  Being in that position, and not really wanting to be there, made me think about the call to priesthood.  I don't want to keep using the same phrase, but priesthood is not about me.  It's about giving myself completely to God, and to bringing souls to Heaven for Christ.  It's not like as soon as I'm ordained everything will become comfortable and I'll love doing everything.  Sometimes I am going to have to step into tough situations, do things for people that I don't want to do, or just put myself out there in some way.  

Sorry, this will have to be continued...  It's now midnight and Mass will come early tomorrow.  Gosh, I am so sorry to not have gotten out any posts the last week, but after a few tests, and quizzes, and presentations, and miscellaneous assignments, and going out to eat, and training for the mini-marathon, and practicing for schola, oh, and praying, and reading, and studying - and I just didn't have any time.  Again, I really, really hope to get more written this week (especially since I haven't finished even this whole story, much less all the other ones that tie into it, much less the entire realization of learning to follow Christ more fully...)  My plan is to pump out shorter posts, more often - hopefully that way I'll actually be able to get some completed throughout the last week of classes and finals week.  Hope springs eternal!  

Seriously though, I hope that all of you had an amazing, blessed, truly joyful Easter!  Happy Divine Mercy Sunday!  Pope Saint John Paul II and Pope Saint John XXIII pray for us!

So it's now 10 PM here at the castle (as we like to call it), and I just finished one of the many assignments which were forced onto my to-do list this week (it's probably been my busiest week yet this semester, which is saying a lot) but I really wanted to write a post because the ideas are fresh in my head (I just got back from optional Adoration a while ago - always a good source of such ideas) and I haven't written a post in too long, so here it goes...

Yesterday, as you all know, we celebrated the solemnity of the Annunciation, when Mary accepts God's will for her to become the Mother of God, and thus, the request that the angel brings to her is remembered forever as an announcement of great joy.  I think it is so beautiful when, in the middle of Lent, the Church gives us these glimpses or reminders of the joy that should be building in our hearts in anticipation of our redemption at Easter (which, of course, begins with the Incarnation).

I was talking with a few guys yesterday about why we celebrate the Annunciation and not the Incarnation.  It was the same event, and it sure seems like God becoming man is more important than Mary accepting Him as her Son (despite how important that was!), but, yesterday I had the chance to watch the movie, Mary of Nazareth in theaters (it is screening around the country) and it somewhat put things in perspective.  The movie beautifully portrays the life of Mary from her childhood all the way through the resurrection.  I don't want to spoil the movie, so I'll just make a few points.

Firstly, Mary is gently smiling through a lot of the movie - enough that I noticed it and was beginning to think it was a bit cheesy - but then one of the guys pointed out that she was constantly, consistently, completely abandoning herself to God's will.  She joyfully accepted whatever God requested of her, every time.  Did she always know what that would entail? - no (and the movie did a fantastic job portraying this) but she did always accept it.

Secondly, there was a tenderness and intensity in the relationship between Jesus and Mary that I guess I never realized.  A movie makes things that you read or think about so real.  I was praying the Rosary at that Holy Hour that I just got back from and usually my mind drifts off during the decades about the assumption and coronation of Mary.  I don't have a good image to meditate on in my mind, or a good story from scripture, so my mind usually ends up blank (or worse) and I end the rosary on a low note...  But today, with the images of the movie still fresh in my mind, I found it very easy to see the point of these mysteries.  Of course Jesus brought Mary up to Heaven with Him - She was His beloved mother, not only the most perfect person (other than Himself) to ever walk the earth, but she was the person that Jesus was closest to on earth and she was the person who had cared for Him throughout His life.  Of course He is going to reward her for that constant love with the most perfect of bliss with Him in heaven!  Again, of course He would crown her Queen of Heaven and Earth, not only does she deserve it, but He just gave her to us for our mother.  Going way back into the Old Testament shows us that the queen was the one the people went to, the one who took care of them, the one who was not only mother of the king but also mother of the people.  The movie made all these things make more sense and really come alive in my mind (it was great!)

Thirdly, the movie made the story of our salvation seem so much more real to me.  (Yeah, I just said that in the previous point, but I wanted to keep talking about it, and I wasn't just looking at Jesus' relationship with His mother anymore).  Looking at everything as Mary saw it, as Mary responded to it, is such a beautiful vantage point.  Yes, the movie is the production of human minds - with actors/actresses, scenes, budgets, and everything else.  No, this movie isn't inspired or something - though, of course, it follows the Bible extremely closely.  However, by putting real people into the stories that we read in the Bible it adds an emotional, visceral, and pictorial connection to the drama and reality of our salvation like noting else.  You saw how the lines of the story interwove, how difficult it would have been for Joseph to take Mary into his home, how brutal Herod was, how boldly John the Baptist acted, how trusting Mary was (already mentioned that one...), how merciful Jesus was, how doubtful the Apostles were.  You saw Mary acting as a mother, caring for Jesus, and later (after His death) caring for His apostles.  You saw Mary saying "be it done to me according to Your will" at countless points throughout the story as she encounters something she doesn't understand or any moment of suffering.  It all leapt off the page of scripture and into flesh and blood, into images that I will now be able to meditate on.  I don't want to make this movie into something it isn't, but it was pretty inspiring, and the more I think about it the more depth it adds to my own understanding of the whole mystery of redemption.  

In other words, it was a great movie, highly recommended, not perfect, but very thought-provoking (in the best sense of the phrase) and something that I am very glad I cleared time to do.  It's so much more than I managed to mention in this post, there are so many more thing that it will show me in the weeks to come, but I certainly can't write them all, so I guess you'll have to see it for yourself...

Now, off to bed.  I can't promise that I will get to posting more often just yet, I keep wanting to, and I keep (like everyday) having great ideas for posts, but apparently there are only 24 hours in the day and I'd like to be in bed for a few of them...  Good night!  Happy Lent!

As I start this post it is right before our retreat starts at St. Meinrad (so the no electronics policy hasn't started yet), and I wanted to write a short post about something I found in The Priest is Not His Own, by Venerable Fulton Sheen.  I've been reading the book for a while (I probably started it nearly a year ago), but it is somewhat long, very dense (in a good way), and I have had a pile of books which I am reading simultaneously (which slows down how fast one can read through one book).  

Anyway, on pages 200-213 he talks about the Eucharist (a topic that goes throughout the entire book, but this happened to be the place that I started today, so it's what I wanted to make a post on).  He begins by looking at the Old Testament, how Melchizedek, and his sacrifice of bread and wine, prefigure Our Lord, and His sacrifice of bread and wine (which, of course, is Himself).  This probably is an obvious type (where something in the Old Testament prefigures something in the New), but Bishop Sheen goes further: what does Abraham do when he gains victory (saving Lot)?  Instead of taking the spoils for himself, Melchizedek arrives and blessed Abraham, reminding him that the spoils, the victory, are truly God's.  

Next, Bishop Sheen looks at the bread of the presence in the Old Testament.  This is another obvious type of the Eucharistic bread that Christ will give in the New Testament.  I quote: 

Finally, he looks at the New Testament.  The first words Jesus speaks (in John's Gospel) are "What would you have of me?" [John 1:38]  It is a question that we should all ask ourselves.  Are we coming to Jesus Christ for worldly power or prestige, money, military power, or some other worldly good?  Are we coming to take some part of what Jesus says, but not quite everything?  John and Andrew, when they first came to Jesus, got it right.  They accepted everything, they didn't say, well, we like the healing the sick part, but not so much the picking up one's own cross.  They simply asked Jesus "where are you staying?".  As Fulton Sheen explains, we need to do the exact same thing - go to where Jesus is present - accepting everything from Him who gives us everything in the Eucharist.  

I am now back from my retreat, which was awesome by the way, and this theme, to be open to Christ coming into my life and transforming it, seems to keep reappearing everywhere.  On the drive back from Effingham on Thursday, I listened to a podcast by Fr. Michael Schmitz, which was his homily for Christmas Eve.  In that homily he reiterated that Jesus came into the world out of love, He wants to enter your life - your entire life, the good and the bad - and transform it.  He was born into a cold cave at Bethlehem, was laid in a slimy, nasty, manger, and visited by the not-so-spiritually-great shepherds.  But that is the entire message of Christmas, that God becomes man precisely to enter our broken, messed-up, hard world.  He comes as a man so that He can save all men from their sins and bring them to Himself.  It is up to us to accept that invitation.  To meditate on the beauty, tenderness, and love shown to us in the Incarnation, but also on the same beauty, tenderness, and love that Jesus shows to us everyday in the Holy Mass.  We must receive him into our lives just as Mary did.  We must have incredible reverence, devotion, and love for this incredible gift of Himself - something the Israelites forgot to their peril.  And finally, we must give absolutely everything to God, just like Abraham did.  (Side note: Abraham is often called the father of faith, but it's important to remember that faith is more than just believing/agreeing with doctrines, dogmas, etc.  Faith means we give our lives to God and let Him change us.  It means acting differently! - something I learned today in a talk by Bishop Paprocki to a men's prayer breakfast here in Quincy.)  Let Christ entering into your heart, especially in the Eucharist, totally transform your life!  There is so much more to say here, but I have run out of time, so I'll have to leave you with that for now...

Alright!  Well, that post ended completely differently than I had intended it too, but blogger.com stopped working so I lost the last half and had to retype it (and I went into a totally different topic).  Think of it this way, it means I have something else to write about later!  Anyway, I am now in the last days of my Christmas break, having been running around non-stop since it started, having still not completed the application to the N.A.C., and having not read all dozen, or so, books that I wanted too.  Good thing I'll have tons of free time this semester... (not!)  Ah well, business is a sign of abundant blessings I suppose.  

Happy First Saturday!...  I don't know if I've ever wished someone that before, but I guess it can be done, right?  Actually, we should be very happy, because on Saturdays (especially 1st Saturdays) we honor Mary, and that should make us happy, because Mary is awesome!  (I'll have to expound on that in some other post, because that one word isn't very descriptive in today's society...)  Anyway, drum roll please: this post will be a little bit more important than my typical "sorry, I don't have much time, here's a cool video" post...  :-)  

And that is because I am finally able to announce to you all that I will be applying to study at the Pontifical North American College - in Rome, Italy - for my upper/theology level seminary!  It is located within Vatican City (i.e. it overlooks St. Peter's Basilica!), and has about 250 seminarians from the United States, Canada, and Australia.  If I get accepted, which is somewhat likely, but not guaranteed (they are at, or almost at, capacity right now), I will be heading over to Italy in mid-July (as in, 7 months from now!), to spend 8 weeks, or so, in Italian immersion.  That is very important because all the classes (which start in October, I believe), are taught in Italian...  

It's a little scary - not so much the language (that is overcome-able by hard work), but mostly just how far away I will be from everything I know (and love) back home.  But, while it's incredibly daunting, it is also incredibly exciting (as you can imagine)!  Please, as always, keep me in your prayers - that God's will may be done. 

Part of the reason that I haven't been good at posting stuff over this Christmas break is that I have been really, really busy trying to fill out all the forms (all 30 pages of them!), getting the requisite check-ups, and writing the required autobiography.  I have so many plans for great posts, but I just haven't had time to write them!  Unfortunately, I'm going to have 19 credit hours next semester, so unless I stay really organized I don't think my rate of posting is going to go up...  (We'll see!)
In other news: I just got back from a wonderful First-Friday, First-Saturday vigil (which started with the Rosary, then Mass, then Exposition, then many, many devotions, then Benediction, and Mass again at 1 in the morning - it was fantastic!)  Also, later today I will be heading down to Effingham where I will meet the other Springfield-diocese Brute guys and we will car-pool over to St. Meinrad where our retreat is happening.  It will last until Wednesday, at which point, I will come back home, finish all the application stuff, and then get some more blogging done before going back to Brute on next Sunday.  Man, this break has gone by way too fast!  

view from St. Peter's dome - overlooking the city of Rome

Merry Christmas everyone!  I am still racing around doing all the visiting that comes along with Christmas, so I haven't had a chance to get any blogging done...  A quick update:  Midnight Mass at St. Rose was beautiful.  Christmas day with mom's side of the family was a lot of fun (I did some snow-boarding the next day with my brother and some cousins which was also fun).  We came back on Thursday only to leave for dad's side of the family on Friday.  We did some rock-climbing on Friday afternoon, and got together with the rest of the family today (also fun).  Basically, I have spent the last 4 days eating way too much good food and having a fantastic time with my extended family.  However, I have been thinking about a post on the more important part of Christmas (you know, the part about Christ).  It may be a few more days though because tomorrow I have the Springfield Diocesan Christmas get-together and I am also working on some posts for Deacon David Marcotte, who is currently on a pilgrimage throughout Europe.  So, here is another video of another good Christmas song - this time from the Piano Guys (they are pretty funny/crazy).  Enjoy!

 

Well, after staying up until (almost) 4AM yesterday, I finally got my metaphysics paper done and turned it in yesterday afternoon (it was a great feeling!).  I think the paper turned out pretty good in the end.  Earlier this week I was spending pretty much all my free time on that paper and it just wasn't coming together how I wanted it to.  I was talking about teleology (that things, particularly humans, have ends, in our case, happiness in God) and this allows morality/ethics to exist.  Basically, without teleology, everybody has to figure out their own end (power, money, pleasure, work, whatever), and for this reason (along with some other logical/metaphysical reasons) teleology must exist and ethics must be based on it.  It was a really cool paper and unfortunately this summary doesn't do the topic justice (my paper didn't either I imagine), but I am really glad that I finally found the sources that I needed to finish the paper off. 

 

I still have to finish up the senior seminar paper, something that I will work on for the next hour or so before meeting with Dr. Denz (the professor for that class).  Hopefully he's happy with my (very) rough draft that I gave him a few weeks back. 

 

Next week I have all the typical finals - Monday: calculus and moral issues (neither will be easy, but shouldn't be impossible either), Tuesday: Augustine and Aquinas (again, it'll take studying, but I'll be ready), Wednesday: senior seminar and psychology (senior sem. is a take-home, but will probably be one of my hardest finals, psychology is a presentation and should be easy), and Thursday: metaphysics (tough, but should go alright).  I am very glad that my finals are spaced out over the week - usually I'd want to get them done as quickly as possible, but all my classes are tough this semester, so I am glad that I should have enough time to study before each one.

 

the holly tree in Brute's courtyard

Of course, the fun doesn't stop just because everybody is getting ready for finals!  This afternoon we are going to play some football (in the snow!), and (recap from the previous post) this evening we have the first-ever Brute talent show.  The Springfield guys will be doing something, and there are a bunch of other guys who will be showing off as well.  It should be awesome!  Tomorrow there are a bunch of us going caroling at a Catholic nursing home (actually the same one that Ray and I have for our ministry) - it was a blast last year, and this year, I'm sure, won't be any different.   On Sunday evening I'm going with some guys to Cincinnati for "lessons and carols", which is some sort of Advent/Christmas concert put on by the seminary up there.

 

Fr. Joe said something quite profound in his homily this morning.  He said that Advent is a time to deepen our faith and, like the blind men in the Gospel this morning, ask Jesus to heal the places within our soul that are broken, hurt, warped, or suffering.  This same faith must then give us the insight to see our life (physically and spiritually) as it really is, a gift from God, and then give our lives back to God.  To cultivate those talents, abilities, and blessings that we have been given, and use them for the greater glory of God and the good of all His creation.  Obviously, my summary is lacking the awesomeness and persuasion that father included in his homily, but my brain is a bit fried from the past few days...

 

I hope you have all had a good (almost) first week of Advent.  I hope to get back to blogging more frequently once I knock out these finals.  May the mercy and love of the Sacred Heart enflame you with His joy, peace, love, and energy on this first Friday, especially in this beautiful season of Advent.

Oh, happy feast of St. Nicholas!

Also, I'm going to post some videos that I've found during this week (they're cool and I won't have time to post something more substantial...)